


I never asked to be saved

by Night_Bloom



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Feelings, Lena has depression, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, eventual supercorp, it will get better but it's going to be a process, this story starts out really dark, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-04-05 11:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14042925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night_Bloom/pseuds/Night_Bloom
Summary: Lena's in a dark place with everything that's happened with Lex trying to kill Superman and committing mass murder, Lionel's death and just Lillian in general. Kara/ Supergirl try to help her through the darkness that threatens to consume her just as it did her family...





	1. The end of the world

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter deals with a suicide attempt, please do not read it if this is something that will trigger you. I understand that this is a sensitive topic but I also believe that it is something that needs to be discussed and this is my main forum for being able to do so. You know yourself if reading this is going to hurt you or set you back please do not do so. I am going to do my best to be respectful of peoples needs but I am also going to be writing truthfully about depression and all that that can entail, tags will be added when I know exactly what will be present in this story if it continues so please read them.

Lena wasn’t sure what to do anymore. Everyone she ever loved was gone. Her mother, her father, her brother. All she was left with was a woman that despised her existence and a madman that was just a shadow that resembled the man her brother was. All her life she’d fought to be worthy of the Luthor name, and now, all she wanted to was to be rid of it once and for all. She use to have people begging to be in her circle of friends, she knew none of them were genuine, or interested in her as a person, just her name and what that could get them, but now, even those vultures wouldn't come near her with a ten foot pole and the name Luthor was synonymous with death.

All these thoughts swirled around her head as she twirled her tumblr, still half full of whiskey, between her fingers, her feet skipping along on the edge of her balcony. She wavered, stretching out her arms to steady herself, focusing like a pro gymnast correcting a shaky landing, as though the gold were riding on it. Her tongue poking out from the corner of her mouth in concentration.

When she felt her balance return, she punctuated it with a steady nod of satisfaction. She continued her stroll on the ledge as she contemplated all that had happened in the past year. Her abrupt laughter ricocheted off the cool concrete and steel holding both her and the building together. She laughed as if she were the mad one, and maybe she was. No one could blame her; most already thought her to be evil like the remainder of her family, why not mad? So she laughed, she laughed at the madness of it all, at the utter irony that despite being the only one left, despite having no one left around her, she still felt as alone now as she always had. She laughed like a madman on a ledge because at this moment it was the only thing keeping her tethered to this life.

She laughed as she reflected that the only times in her life when she’d ever felt anything but were the ones few and far between when her father had time to spend with her without work or Lillian looming over them, or when they were young, and Lex would play with her, comfort her when she had a bad dream, or when she was young and her mother still alive. But, as hard as she might, those memories were all but gone now. Ones of Lillian's snarls, glares, and snide remarks taking their place in her heart. The memories of Lex growing and going mad, consumed in his paranoia until he committed mass murder. Her father dying and leaving her with nothing by Lillian's words of hate and disgust. All of it tearing at her heart, shredding it till there was nothing left but a hardened and hollowed shell.

Lena couldn’t help but feel bitter at the hand life had dealt her. She had once been surrounded by nothing but simplicity and love. Nothing but warmth and sunshine, the feeling of comforting arms wrapped around her in an embrace she’s forgotten the feeling of, but knows was full of love and protection. She’d gotten the sweetest taste of what life could be only to have it ripped from her clutches just as she was learning to enjoy it. Only to have all that love and warmth replaced with schemes, agendas, politics, and status. There was no warmth when she moved into the Luthor estate; there was no love in the house that didn’t come from those who could leave it. There was nothing but static life and a need to prove oneself, only to be told it wasn’t enough.

And so, she laughed. She laughed as her eyes fogged with the pooling of tears as she stood on the edge of the world. What a brilliant metaphors for how her life had been since joining the Luthors. She could see the entire city for her perch on the ledge - she could see her entire world - the people going about their evening lives on the streets and in the various buildings scattered about the city, she could see it all. But she was too far up to be apart of it, too removed to touch it. She was so close, and yet an ocean separated her from it. 

She laughed as tears flowed down her usually pale cheeks, now flushed from the warmth of the alcohol coursing through her system, carving out canyons as they made their way down her chin, falling to the ledge at her feet, falling to the world below that she was once apart of but now, so removed from she doesn’t know how to get back, she doesn’t know if she even can.

She laughs and cries for the child that died the moment she entered the Luthor home and the young woman that grew up under the pressures to be perfect in every aspect of life. But most of all, she cries because she no longer has anyone that cares. She cries because where there’d once have been people that cared if she jumped off this ledge there's no one, only people yelling at her to jump, people willing to ‘lend her a helping hand’, people that think she should pay for the sins of her family.

As she cries she can’t help but think, maybe they’re right.

Lena had never thought about dying. Sure, as an academic she’d thought about the abstract notion of death and people dying, but she’d never much thought about her own death, never really contemplated how it’d go - if anything she’d just assumed it’d happen when she was an old woman, that she’d simply die of old age. But now, as she stands on the ledge at the precipice of the world with the voices of all those that despise her for who she is, who her family is playing through her head, the copious amount of alcohol she’d consumed swimming through her body and making her mind hazy, she thinks about it. She thinks how easy it would be. She thinks about what the headlines would say, how the people would cheer in the streets and still criticise her for taking the ‘cowards way out’. 

She doesn’t realise, but the more she thinks about it the closer she inches towards the edge. The more she thinks about it, the more inviting the idea becomes. How would it feel to tether on the edge then touch the end of the world? To see something that no one else ever will, to experience something that no one will till it’s their time.

Before she knows it, she’s falling. Tumbling through the sky in a silent march towards death. No sound escapes her body; there’s no fight or flight response, her body and mind have accepted what’s about to happen, they’ve made peace with it. Maybe, once it’s done, she’ll get back to that place of warmth and love she knew for such a short time that left such an impression on her life.

She feels like she’d been falling for years, she just wants it to end; suddenly, it does.

She’s no longer falling but nestled in strong arms that envelop her body, emitting warmth and a fierce feeling of protection. Lena doesn’t want dear, open her eyes, she’s not ready. She knows she’s dead, but she’s not ready to look onto the face of the woman who loved her so fiercely till she was ripped away, the woman that her father always said she looked so much alike, the woman whose voice she forgot with time, whose face faded into the crowd because Lillian destroyed every reminder Lena had of her, the woman whose arms always felt like home to Lena.

But there's something at the back of her mind nagging her, pushing her to get past her fears and open her eyes, because something about these arms is different from those that linger like a ghost in the depths of her memories from a time long since past. With the last of her will Lena blinks her eyes open, she’s not greeted with a mirror image of her own forest green eyes as she’d expected to be, but with the purest of storms that rage an ethereal electric blues. Nothing could have prepared her for the slight. She was entranced and mesmerised. She didn't even register what this might mean regarding the result of her trip from the edge of her balcony.

But eventually, Lena's mind caught up with the situation, inebriated as it was. She realised with a start that she was floating above the lip of her balcony that moments ago she had allowed herself to simply slip off. She couldn’t look at the woman that held her in her arms, because when she did, there was a look of saddened understanding, of empathy, of regret - things Lena couldn’t handle seeing as her shame began to creep over her, sobering her previously hazy mind. 

Shame. That was all she felt. Shame that turned to anger. Anger at herself, anger at the situation, anger at Lillian, Lex, her father - her mother. But no, she couldn’t deal with that night now, so it turned to anger towards the ungodly woman that had just saved her life. She knew it was misplaced anger, but she couldn’t help it, she couldn’t help one more person making her feel shame. And a person she didn’t even know for that matter!

She couldn’t handle someone caring now and making her feel this hollowing pit that was beginning to consume her. So she did what any sane person would do. She pushed away from the strong arms that were providing her with a sense of safety and comfort for the first time in a long while, she pushed away from the person that made her feel as though she should have done better, been stronger, she pushed that all down till there was nothing left but anger to fuel her.

The stranger set her down on the platform of the balcony, far from the edge. Scrambling away she put some distance between her and her saviour. Collecting herself and summoning all her rage she rounded on the woman that had plucked her from the night sky, only to be faced with red and blue and a large ‘S’ symbol at the centre of their chest. Of course. How had she not figured it out? How many people in this god forsaken city had the ability to save someone hurling towards the ground and fly them back to where they’d gone down? 

Lena’s anger grew with how stupid she’d been, her anger bubbled and sizzled, the night air was practically alight with the rage that hid below her fingertips. The women before her, in all her heroic and godlike glory, stood there stricken it’d seem. She said nothing, her eyes searched, her brow creased and wrinkled in confusion and contemplation. When it looked like she was going to speak Lena beat her to it, “How dare you!”

She hadn’t meant to scream, she hadn’t meant for her voice to sound like shards of ice shattering on glass, but it had, and it made the near indestructible being before her stumble back as if she’d stuck her with a fistful of Kryptonite.

“I- I what?” The Super before her stumbled to regain her composure, her movements uncertain, unrefined, her words weak and unsure.

“How dare you.” When Lena spoke this time her voice was quiet, but that made it worse, the Supers hearing picked up every syllable like a screeching stab void of emotion, empty.

“Miss Luthor I-”

“No.” Lena had turned her back on the women that had saved her life, which had made her feel at home for the first time since her mother last held her in her arms and rocked her to sleep. She’d opened the door to her apartment when a panicked voice of the usually composed hero made her stop in her tracks.

“Please, Miss Luthor I was only trying to help.”

Lena didn’t react for a moment, processing what the woman had said, slowly she cast a glance over her shoulder, from the way the hero winced perhaps the famous Luthor glare adorned her features, or perhaps the woman saw how truly broken Lena was. If her face didn’t tell her, her words surely did, “Did it ever occur to you that maybe,” she turned her body to fully face Supergirl now, “just maybe, I don’t want your help.”

The hero said nothing, her mouth opening and closing with no words escaping. Satisfied that she wasn’t going to receive a response from the other women Lena began her retreat inside once more. The door separating the lively night from the lonely dark of her apartment was almost closed when she heard a whisper in the wind “I can save you.”

Without a moment's hesitation, she replied in the quietest voice, afraid to disturb the dark silence of the night, afraid to let anyone other than the woman that had saved her from the darkness within herself hear her whispered broken confession “I never asked to be saved.”

With that the door clicked shut, separating the two worlds, separating the tranquil night from the stale darkness, separating the woman that embodied light and optimism from the woman that couldn’t get out from the darkness that consumed her family and lingers over her, creeping closer till the moment it finally swallows her whole, leaving nothing behind but a broken woman and a broken legacy.


	2. Perhaps there's something left worth fighting for?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after and Lena's starting to figure something out.

When Lena awoke the next day it was to a throbbing in her head that blinded and disoriented her, opening her eyes only made the situation worse, she’d forgotten to close her curtains the night before, as evident by the sun to stream through onto her in a mocking gesture to remind her of the copious amounts she’d drunk last night. It’s warm morning embrace usually a comfort to her cold empty bed that could fit four people comfortably, now nothing but a reminder of the pain in her head, and the subsequent pain in her heart that had lead to her downing nearly a full bottle of 30-year-old scotch on her own.

 

It was always worse when she drank, she knew that and yet, each time she thought it would make the thoughts and feelings that ran rapidly in her head during the light go away, make then quieter, more bearable; but in fact, it had the exact opposite effect. And yet, she had tried once more. You know that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, Lena knows that to, but sometimes it's the hope that it will work out just that one time, that something in those circumstances will be different this time that will lead to a different more desirable result. But just like always, all it did was break down the walls she'd so carefully and painstakingly constructed to block out the pain and self-hatred, the doubts embedded within her, and the overall consuming sadness and loneliness that resided within her. All it did was knock them over like a summer storm tearing through a seaside town, eviscerating them, leaving nothing behind of the well put together woman she portrays to the world, but instead, a crushed and fractured mask she has to glue back together. And with each passing time the cracks slowly showing through more and more.

 

And yet, she still tried. She tried for the hope that this time would be different. Perhaps it was time for her to learn that it would never be different, that drinking to drown her self-hatred and sorrows away only brought them all the more closer to the surface, just made them all the more powerful when she didn't have the conscious presence of mind to keep them at bay. 

 

Perhaps it was time she learned. But learning was hard. Learning is acknowledging that you don't know something, that you're wrong. And despite her astuteness towards learning, she'd never been very good at it when the topic of discussion was herself. When she had to look within herself, identify the problem and then a subsequent solution. She could solve advanced physics problems know her teens, code computer systems that rivalled those of top government agencies; but yet when it came to understanding and solving her own personal problems, she was stumped. It probably didn't help that she was raised in an emotionally deprived and stunted household. She'd learned at a young age that if she were to survive in that world, she needed to close herself off, she needed to hide her emotions from those around her, and after years of practices she got so good at it that eventually, even she was was unable to decipher what she was feeling. Unable to tell if she was even capable of feeling anymore, or if she were simply going through the motions. 

 

But no. She knew she was still capable of some emotion, every time Lillian slithered into her life she felt her jabbing comments slice her and tear at her fragile heart. When Lex went mad, and she lost her brother, she felt that blow so deep she thought she'd never see the sun again, and perhaps, in a way she never has. 

 

So yes, she still felt. She still felt the singling loss of a mother who loved her with all of her being, of a father who tried to be there for her, of a kind and devoted brother who showed her kindness, compassion and love when all she felt was the coldness of her stepmothers words and actions, when she felt consumed by the cold and calculated fake associations of the world they lived in, she felt the crushing pain of hurt whenever Lillian cut her down for her own amusement. 

 

It's not that she didn’t feel, it's just that all she felt was loss and pain. And if she had a choice, she'd choose to feel nothing at all. That's why she tries over and over again to drown out her thoughts with alcohol, why she tries again and again even though it's never worked so far because perhaps, one way or another if she keeps trying she won't have to feel anything. 

 

But then, her thoughts wander back to last night. To the women with hair like the sun, eyes that express the intensity of a storm but still hold the kindness and warmth of a mother's smile - to Supergirl. The woman that had become National Cities hero overnight, who had appeared out of nowhere and started saving people. Sometimes, it'd seem, even when they didn't want to be saved. When they don’t feel as though they deserved to be saved. Despite that, she couldn't help how the girl of steel had made her feel. She felt safe in her arms, something she hadn't felt in a long time, but it was more than that. When she had looked into her eyes and seen the swirl of emotions there - the relief, the pain, the sorrow, the regret - she'd felt as though someone cared about her, cared whether or not she stuck around - and not for revengeful or investment purposes, but on a human level. Ironic considering she was from a different planet in an entirely different galaxy. 

 

But that had been something Lena had always noticed, Superman - and now Supergirl - had always seemed more ‘human’ to her than most humans. They embodied the characteristics humanity were meant to idealise and express in spades. They were kind, compassionate, loyal, protective, tolerant - even to the people who tried to kill them, they only used as much force as necessary and never used lethal force unless it was absolutely the last and only resort. 

 

Even last night, Supergirl had chosen to save her, despite what her brother had done, not only to other human beings but to Superman. Sure she may not have known who she was at first, but after she'd caught her? She’d known, and yet she still saved her. That made her better than any human Lena knew. But Lena knew that better than any human or not, what to expect when she opens her phone - or at least, she thought she did. Lena had expected to see posts on social media, as well as major outlets - such as CatCo Worldwide Media - about her spill off her balcony, but there was nothing. She even searched for her name in the taglines, nothing except old articles from her father's death, her brothers trial, and her eventual ascent to the CEO of Luthor Corp, as well as the general discussion articles on if she were evil incarnate or not. But nothing about last night. Nothing new.

 

Lena couldn’t understand, she knew Supergirl had a source at CatCo - if the numerous exclusives the magazine always seemed to have was any indication - that’s why that had been the first site she’d checked for any stories pertaining to her late night activities. But there was nothing. The cynical part of Lena - the jagged part of her that had learned from an early age that everyone had an agenda, that they were always after something -couldn’t comprehend that there was nothing, that Supergirl hadn’t said anything. But the other part of her, the lightness that she keeps buried deep inside to protect the little dwindling light that’s left inside, it whispered that she’d never, Supergirl would never betray her like that, that she’d never cause her more pain than what she was already feeling. It screamed that the woman that made her feel safe, at home, would never. But even beyond that Lena couldn’t comprehend that, despite the late hour, no one had seen and gone forward to earn themselves a juicy payday, that no one had seen security footage and ‘leacked’ it for a price. As much as some part of her inexplicably trusted the girl of steel, that same part held little trust for her fellow men. Supergirl was not like them, she wasn’t human, and to Lena, that was her most commendable quality. 

 

Lena sighed. She wasn’t sure if it was with relief or not. Of course, she didn’t want the tabloids getting hold of the fact that she’d tried to kill herself, because drunk or not, subconsciously or consciously, that’s what she’d tried to do. She had been at peace with dying in those moments before she’d thought it inevitable. Before she’d saved her. So wither she’d intended for it to happen or not, she’d been at peace with the fact that it had, she’d felt a sense of relief that her existence on this planet would be over, all the pain and anguish she felt would just turn to nothingness as would she. It was this realisation that shook her the most. Because she’d never admitted to herself before that she was suicidal. Admitting you had a problem was a sign of weakness for a Luthor, it was admitting that you had an area that could be exploited and used against you.

 

Lena sat on the edge of her bed, light still streaming in through her bay windows, her lungs tight as she let her head rest in her hands, supported on her knees. She felt her eyes burn with the sting of tears she’d never let fall; she was too practised in the light of day to allow for that. She knew she needed help. She knew she was on a precipice, and if last night was any indication, she wasn’t only on the brink of falling off, she was hanging off the edge, tethered to the ground by an old twine rope that was beginning to fray under the pressures of neglect and age. Having ignored and pushed down her problems for so long that she was now at the point of either confronting them and having a chance at overcoming them, or continuing on the path she’d designed long ago, simply biding her time, until they ultimately claim and consume her, falling off the edge into the darkness, never again to return. 

 

At this moment Lena had a choice to make. She knew she did. And this time, she knew she couldn’t just put it off, she needed to decide here and now, in the earthly quiet of the morning sun and the safety of her bedroom away from the judging eye of the city. She needed to decide, was she going to flight, like she always had, or was she going to give up, letting the chips fall as they may?

 

Letting out a shaky breath Lena held her head up, looking out the window at the world before her, she watched as planes and helicopters flew across the sky, listening as car horns sounded in the early morning, the chatter of people and traffic reaching her, even up in her palace in the clouds. She watched and listened to the sounds of lives being made and lived. And she made a decision. She squared her shoulders, held her chin up, her stoic Luthor mask of determination slipping onto her soft features, making them harder and more angular, making her seem more regal and not just a broken 22-year-old woman. Her resolved hardened with the rest of her features and posture, there was a glint in her eyes that had been long missing from her demeanour; and if there were anyone left around who knew the Luthors, they’d tell you that she’d decided to fight. And fight she would. Because when a Luthor made up their mind about something, there was no stopping them. The only things that would stop a determined Luthor were death or their own self-destruction - which in Lena’s book were practically the same thing.

 

Decision made Lena got up, grabbing her phone from her bedside table. She pressed the first speed dial on her phone, the line picking up after two rings to her assistance soft voice, “Miss Luthor, how can I help you?”

 

“Good morning Jess, I need you to find out who Supergirls contact is at CatCo, who writes the most articles about her, who has the inside scope form her.”

 

Lena’s voice held a thread of steel that had been missing since she’d taken over Luthor Corp, it was no longer meek and empty, but now held a strength to it, a determination. Her ever preceptive assistant seemed to notice the change, because when Jess spoke, she was more hesitant in her words than usual, “Of course Miss Luthor.” Lena knew she wasn’t done speaking, merely trying to figure out how to phrase what she had left to say, so she waited until tentative words came through the receiver, “And, what exactly would you like me to do when I have this information, Miss Luthor?”

 

Lena knew she might sound mad with her next request, what with what her brother had done to and because of Superman, but she had to risk it. Everyone already thought she was an evil anti-alien, anti-Supers terrorist, so what did it matter?

 

“I want you to send the name to Mr Lawson.” 

 

There was a sharp intake of air on the other end of the line; Jess knew who Lawson was, she knew that he was less than a… model citizen to put it lightly, with ‘alleged’ contacts from the shadier circles of society. She knew he was the Luthors discrete fix it man - that he was nothing but trouble. And if Lena was going to him, then there was no good to be had. Lena knew that she would question procuring this information for her, but she also knew that she could just as well do it herself, and she knew that Jess knew it too. But in the end, it would ‘absolve’ her of whatever Lena had planned for Supergirls contact. Lena couldn’t help but scoff, a part of her had thought that her assistant was different from the masses, but that was more so wishful thinking on her part it’d seem. But, for the life of her, Lena didn’t want to lose the trust of the one person she felt still believed in her, at least a little, even if it were a lie.

 

“It’s not-” she sighed, her voice taking on a softer tone “I just don’t want people within the company getting wind that I want to talk to Supergirls contact, they’ll all assume,” a small humorless laugh slipped past her lips, “well, they’ll think exactly what you were thinking” she heard the girl clearing her throat and moving around, presumably in discomfort at being called out, “I just-” her voice lost all of its steel, her vulnerability coming through. She pinched the bridge of her nose and screwed her eyes shut to give herself some semblance of control, “I just need to know how to get a hold of her Jess,” her being Supergirl going unsaid, “and I need to know if her contact is as trustworthy as the Girl of Steel seems to think.” 

 

Jess sighed on the other line, but when she spoke her voice was also softer than it had been, understanding seeping through the phone, “Of course Miss Luthor, but if you’d prefer” she paused, self-doubt worming its way into her usual cocky demeanour “I could find out about this contact myself, there's no need to do to Lawson.” 

 

Lena couldn’t help the lone tear that escaped her eye at Jess’s words, whether it was out of care for her or concern for the contact, it didn’t matter, Jess was offering something Lena would never ask of her that saved Lena from having to deal with the man that had covered up so much of what Lex was doing, Jess was saving her from having to make a deal with the devil. “Thank you.” she all but whispered.

 

Lena could hear a faint smile in Jess’s voice, “Anytime Miss Luthor.”

 

Lena chuckled at that, “I think at this point a first name basis would be appropriate Jess.” 

 

“Of course, Miss Luthor.”

 

Lena laughed, she knew Jess would never call her Lena, despite her numerous insistence to the contrary. “Oh, and one more thing Jess.” The bravo and confidence that had leached from her tone moments before were back with the vengeance of a raging storm, her eyes sharp as they surveyed the clothing in her walk-in wardrobe. “I want you to schedule a press conference for this afternoon in front of Luthor Corp in the Park.” 

 

“Of course, what should I say it’s about?”

 

Lena’s eye caught on an outfit she hadn’t looked at for a long time, one she’d gotten after a particularly nasty visit from Lillian when she’d felt both like rebelling and in need of placebo confidence. Her eyes glinted, a smirk firmly in place when she replied, “Tell them it’s about the future.” 

 

With that Lena hung up the phone, confident in Jess’s abilities to get everything organised before this afternoon, she grabbed the outfit she’d been eyeing from its hanger and through it on, examining herself in the mirror her smirk was firmly back in place. She looked the epitome of regal confidence in her black leather singlet, paired with a gold buckle belt and black pants that made her legs look as though they went on for days, complemented by closed toe seven-inch heels with side gapings and a two ring gold necklace. Her raven locks were up in a high pony trailer; her forest green eyes accentuated with a light touch of mascara and a light cat eye. She looked as though she could go from killing a man on sight to leading a conversation that would win wars with the sheer force of her will. 

 

She looked perfect to take command of not only her life but the mess her family had made. She may have felt shaky and insure on the inside, but on the outside she embodied confidence. She was going to turn everything around, and she was going to take down everyone that ever stood with her mother or brother while she did it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so if you guys couldn't envision Lena's outfit (because my description is dodgy af) it's the one from the end of episode 2x12 Luthors. As always I hoped you enjoyed and let me know what ya think. :P also I apologise for any discrepancies (if there are any?) I wrote most of this chapter on my phone and the latter part late a night soooo


	3. I will fight for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena still doesn't meet Kara I'm afraid, but her and Supergirl get real.

Taking charge of her life wasn’t as easy as Lena had thought. It was one thing to think something, but an entirely another beast to actually do it. From the moment she’d told Jess to organise the press conference the voices in her head were ranging with ‘what if’s’ and negative comments sent to bring her down. She couldn’t help it. Her insecurities plagued her, picking at everything that ever could or would go wrong, ranging from the mundane of people protesting, and her fumbling the presentation to the extremes of no one showing up and attempts on her life. She knew all of these insecurities were absurd - well most of them - but she couldn’t help it, the voice in her head just wouldn’t shut the fuck up. Didn’t it get the memo that it was eviction time?

Lena sighed, this would be a lot harder than she’d thought. Well, no that’s a lie, she knew it’d be more work than just willing herself to be happy, or to change her self-deprecating mindset, but she had secretly hoped that that’s all it’d take.

As the time for the press conference neared Lean couldn't help the nervous excitement that was enveloping her, she was positively abuzz with it. She knew the conference could go badly - anything involving a Luthor could these days - but she also had hope that it would turn out better than the darker places in her mind was predicting it would. As these thoughts whirled around her head, she packed her office, reading from her cue cards, practising what she was going to say when she heard the softest of sounds from her balcony. She turned, perplexed as to could have made the noise, only to be confronted with the same golden locks and stormy cobalt blues from the previous night.

When she saw her body filled with both a lightness she can't recall ever having experienced before, but also a darkness she knew all too well. Memories of the previous night flooded her mind, and she was filled with a guilt and shame that so greatly surpasses any she'd felt before. One that isn't even parallel by her attachment to the Luthor name. This guilt and shame steamed from her actions and her actions alone; it wasn’t something that she acquired through transference, it was hers alone. And that made it all the worse.

Her body was seemingly wanting to simultaneously jump into the arms of the woman before her while wanting to recoil from the sight of her. She wanted to be held in her strong, safe grip while also wanting to push her away and banish her from her sight, to make her take the guilt and shame along with her. So, she did nothing. She didn't move - stopping mid-sentence and mid walk - struck dumb. She just stared at the woman through the glass plane on the balcony before her. She watched as wind channels flowed around her, sweeping her cape and hair to the side, making her look like a monumental statue. Regal and untouchable. Lena’s mouth went dry, and she just continued to stare, unsure if the image before her was even real.

It wasn’t until Supergirl began to grow uncomfortable, beginning to fidget beneath the intensity of her gaze that she realised that she was in fact real. Moving to the glass pane, she held it open, silently beconning the hero into her office. Supergirl seemed unsure of herself in the modern office; she didn’t know where to look, where to place herself. She seemed so out of place within the greys and monotone colours of the office, sticking out in her red and blue suit, her golden hair bring a burning light and warmth that was seemingly previously absent in the space of opaque colours, one that surpassed even that of the sun.

Lena continue to stare at the woman, resting her right hip against the edge of her desk, waiting for the untouchable god to do or say something. Lena knew that it was getting to the point where her silent steering was creepy, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t know what to do. Why was she here? Was it about last night? Was she making sure that Lena was okay? No, that couldn’t be it, Supergirl doesn’t do follow-ups, and even if she did, why would she care if a Luthor was okay?

Her face hardening the longer she waited for the woman to speak, her mask of strength and indifference slipping into place with easy practice, preparing her for the fall she knew was yet to come. The walls around her heart that had slipped away the instant she'd realised who was on her balcony slowly started to rebuild in preparation for the rejection and disgust that she was becoming more and more sure was going to come from the blonde god that looked so small and lost in her office.

She cleared her throat to speak, but when raging storms of cerulean and cobalt grey shot to her face, darting briefly from her eyes to her lips, before locking with bright green spears the colour of the first plants of spring peeking through the thick blanket of snow. When their eyes locked, it was though she was transported to another world. Everything around and inside her silenced. The voices that ranged about everything that could go wrong at the press conference quietened, the voice - that sounded eerily like Lillian's - that critique every move and told her she was worthless quietened to less than a whisper. The only things in that moment were Lena and the girl who saved her.

As wonderful as the feeling was, Lena couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t handle someone having that power over her, the ability to quieten the noise and break through the voices in her head that threaten to consume her. Because as lovely and refreshing as it was, the implications of what that meant was all too overwhelming and terrifying. So Lena broke the moment of solace. She cracked and fractured it with the sharp piercing of her voice into the silence.

"Why are you here Supergirl?" Lena had to know what the woman wanted, why she was here, but she was unwilling to admit to what happened last night, not unless she brought it up first.

There was a crinkle in supergirls brow that Lena couldn't help finding adorably endearing in her confusion. "Why am I here?" Supergirl all but whispered to herself, eyes unfocused and faraway, as if asking herself the question in hopes of an answer. When Lena shifted, cerulean blues found forest greens; a strew of prolific benevolent emotions passing through them in a second before Supergirl spoke again, this time more sure of herself and directly to Lena. "I'm here for your protection."

That wasn't what Lena was expecting to hear. For her protection? From what herself? The thought of that being left unsaid, implied because of the night before left Lena more shattered on the inside that she thought it would.

Supergirl must have noticed the ashen look on her face as her eyes widened almost comically and she rushed to continue, "What- what I mean is-is I heard about your press conference" her stance changes, becoming more authoritative, tacking on her signature 'Super pose' of her hands on her hips and her head held high, voice deeper, more controlled and less.. rambly..? "And I don't think it's a good idea."

Lena knows her confusion is evident on her face. 'Not safe', not safe for whom? What does she think I'll do? Does she think someone will get hurt because of me? Does she think I'm so far gone that I'd hurt other people in the process? Lena's confusion morphs into hurt, then anger. Lena thought Supergirl was here because she cared about her, but really, she's only here because she thinks she's a danger to others.

The hero must realise that Lena had taken what she'd said in the worst way when her face hardened, and her posture became coiled and defensive, much like that of a rattlesnake coiling, waiting to strike its prey.

She began to ramble once more in an effort to correct what she'd said, and as mad as Lena was in that moment, she couldn't help the place in her heart that opened for the adorable woman before her.

"That-that perhaps came out wrong, what I meant Lena" her eyes widened even further at the slip of using her first name, she rushed to continue in the same breath "Miss Luthor, Miss Luthor is that I'm worried for your safety at this event. Not only will there be the usual protesters there, but with the recent attempt on your life-" The blonde seems to realise what she'd said because she quickly backtracks again, her voice becoming more high pitched and shrill, less sure and more panicked than before, her words breathed out faster, Lena barely able to make out what she's saying 'Not like that! Roa, I didn't mean last night, I- I meant the other week by your brother-well we think it was your brother, OH Roa! I wasn't meant to tell you that!"

Lena had checked out that that point. Her brother had tried to kill her, well-hired someone to kill her. With everything else that was going on she'd completely forgotten about the attempt on her life a few weeks ago, she moved automatically around her desk till she was looking out onto the horizon, lost in her head, focusing on distant memories from a time long since gone when it would have been her brother protecting her, not the one trying to kill her. Was she really shocked? She knew Lex was gone, a hollow evil man now wearing his face and mimicking his voice with cruel words of malice contempt. No, thinking it over she wasn't surprised to learn that it was Lex that had facilitated the attempt on her life, truthfully it was where her mind had first gone after it had all occurred. Though, she'd swiftly dismissed it due to him being in prison… However, it would now appear that his reach knew no bounds. Supergirl moved into her line of sight, but Lena didn't truly see her, too focused on the ghosts of those long since gone and those that remain in their place. The crinkle that adorned her forehead ever present and more pronounced than it had been before her faced cracked with worry and tension lines as she called Lena's name with more and more urgency the longer her call went unanswered.

Lena blinked her eyes in rapid succession, trying to blink herself back into the present. She stared at the fussing blonde before her, she seemed so small like this, unsure of herself, tripping over her words and meanings. And, Lena mused, she supposed she was. Before the woman before became Supergirl who was she? Who did she turn back into when she took off the suit? Lena felt herself desperately wanting to know the answer to those questions. Who was the girl of steel when there wasn't the gleaming eye of the world on her? Who was she in the sea of faces that walked the city day in and day out? Was she mild-mannered, or strong and forceful as she is as Supergirl? How does she spend her downtime? Does she have a pet? Do arms welcome her home and hold her close after a particularly hard or dangerous day; too afraid to relish their hold for fare that she'd be gone if they did?

All these questions swirled around Lena's head as she appraised the woman before her, and she found herself, with some alarm, wanting to not only know the answers but the woman beneath the suit.

When she spoke, her voice was strong and sure, though her mind still wondered with thoughts of ‘what ifs’, “I’m going ahead with the press conference.”

As if the sound of her voice were a thundering crash in the dead of a silent night Supergirl froze. She stood there unmoving, her voice cutting out mid-sentence to listen to the eloquent melody of precise words fall from Lena's lips, and Lena couldn't find it in herself to be disappointed by the effect her words seemed to have on the hero. Wither she was surprised at them or not Lena couldn't tell you, only that the sigh that escaped her pale pink lips sounded as one of resignation. Her posture, for a moment, reflecting her defeat in slouched and hunched shoulders, that left hands handing diegetically at her sides, her head hind as though she didn't have the strength left to lift it. But within a moment shorter than the blink of an eye, this defeat and vulnerability were gone. Once more the epitome of strength and goodness stood before her, secure and strong. Rooted so firmly that Lena doubted even the gods would be able to pry her from her spot without her compliance.

“That’s not wise Miss Luthor.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Lena's lips, she turned to the hero wouldn't see, but if the slight relaxing of her posture would indicate she heard it in her voice none the less, “I never said it was,” Turning back to face her there was a strength if resolve in her Cristen green eyes that rivaled that of Supergirls stern stance, “but I’m going to do it anyway.”

Another sigh escaped her lips, drawing Lena's ate took once more back to them, a sly smile tugging at the corner of her lip making her look sexier than she had a right to and Lena had to cursed herself for where her mind wandered thinking about those lips and what they could do to her, it was only with the addition of Supergirls voice to the silence of the room that she was pulled from the elevating tempo of her heart rate. However, consumed as she was with thoughts of herself and the hero in less than compromising positions, she missed what she'd said causing the blonde's lips to transform into a smug smirk, developing into a megawatt smile when the evidence of her embarrassment at having been caught showed on her face in the way of a dark dusting of red against her ashen skin. “As I was saying,” the woman's smile never leaving her features as she moved closer to Lena, stopping just before her so that she could feel her hot breath whip past her cheek, “then I guess you're stuck with me till it's over and I know you're safe then.”

The mood, once peaceful, had now turned serious with her statement and Lena could feel a rebutted about not needing anyone's protection work it's way through her body, building up until it was on the tip of her tongue, ready to give Supergirl a lashing. But the girl of steel beat her to it, “I know you don't _need_ protection, but I want to give it.” her face turned soft, unsure and somewhat embarrassed as she released in a whisper, “everyone needs someone to help them occasionally, even when they don't know how to ask.”

Lena knew then that nothing else the women had said that day up until that point had been about the events of the previous night because she was struck by the weight hidden behind those words. But Lena couldn't find it in herself to passively accept the Supers unvarnished offer of help, that would be too simple and clean for someone with her last name. So instead of merely nodding her head in a non verbal acceptance as something deep inside her demanded she do, she instead closed her eyes, unable to look at the earnestness that stared back at her, and took a deep breath, letting Supergirls scent assault her senses and wash over her, calming her with the way it seemed to combine the fresh smell of a summers rain with the deep earthy one of a forest before she spoke in a broken whisper she knew would be impossible for anyone other than the Super to hear, “Why?” her voice cracked on the one word with the depth of her sadness, her in ability to understand the woman's motives. No one had ever offered something without taking a bigger piece of her in exchange, and Lena was so so terrified of what this would cost her. What accepting the woman before her help, what accepting her help without the expectation of giving something back in return would do to her when it came time to pay the piper. She didn't know how much she had left to give, but she did know what it wasn't enough; that if she had to give something, it would destroy her.

She felt delicate fingers know her chin, steadying her trembling lip, coaxing her to open her eyes, but she couldn't, she wouldn't. She felt strong soft hands cup either side of her face, a warmth radiated out of the touch, becoming absorbed by her skin, and with it the strength from comfort to open her eyes.

“Because I care.” when Lena went to look away blue eyes held her firm, “Because I care about _you_.”

Once more a broken “why?” fell from her lips, her eyes conveying all her uncertainty and distrust of someone saying they cared for her, it had been such a rare occurrence in her life after the age of four that she just couldn't fathom someone genuinely caring for her or her well being.

A small droopy smile adorned the Hero's lips, and if Lena weren't having an internal crisis, she would have made a note of how cute and pure it looked on the woman from the stars, “Because you're you. You're one of the most incredible people on this earth. And you, Lena Luthor, you're worth saving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes most of this has been written on my phone and I tried to go back and edit it but alas I'm a very busy university student who's dying sooooo I hope you enjoyed XD
> 
> (In saying that I got 96% on my last essay assignment so party time... now I just have to write like three more in the next two weeks HA HA HAHA.. so yeah I might not update this for a month or so... I'm going to try my best but yeah, it's gonna be a busy one)


	4. I never said it was

Lena was in a haze. She didn’t know how to feel; she didn’t know how to process Supergirl - the physical embodiment of sunshine and goodness - telling her that she cares about her, that she’s worth saving. Lena didn’t know how to deal with the emotions raging inside her, the ones of joy and contentment threatening to overtake her, pushing the all too familiar feelings of doubt and scepticism down, but not far enough to dampen their hold on her conscious mind. Her anxiety of what if’s plagued her mind as well as the bliss that she wishes she could bask in entirely, if only for a moment. 

She was so consumed with trying to analyse and dissect the morning's events with Supergirl that the day had passed in what seemed like an instant. The last thing she coherently recalls before the haze took over her actions was Supergirl leaving with a sigh when she failed to reply to her comments, Lena struck dumb - an occurrence as rare as the planets aligning. She had laid a hesitant hand on her shoulder as she made to leave, “I’ll see you at the press conference then.” 

Before Lena could even attempt a retort the warm pressure of the hand on her shoulder was gone, along with the women it belonged to. 

Now, she stood at the steps to the makeshift stage in the park, waiting for her PR team to introduce her, Jess stood with her, giving her reassuring smiles and the occasional squeeze on her forearm. Lena was grateful; she didn’t know what she’d do without her assistant, the only person she considered a friend - the only person that didn’t want her for something she could do for them, that didn’t ask for anything in return. And much like her relationship with the girl of steel, Lena was patiently awaiting the other shoe to drop. She had no reason to suspect that Jess was anything less than genuine, she’d proven herself a thousand times over, but Lena’s pesky self-defence mechanisms from years of disappointment, betrayal, and use where firmly in place and trying desperately to safeguard her heart. Even if they ended up being the thing that broke it in the end.

Lena returned the women's kind smiles with one of her own that shock with the nerves she felt coursing through her body, but Jess just once again offered silent reassurance with a gentle arm squeeze, which Lena returned in the form of silent gratitude. Though they never spoke of their feelings, Jess understood more than she let on, and she tried to help in the small subtle ways that she knew Lena either wouldn’t notice (which she did) or would allow her to do.

Lena stared out blankly onto the crowd going over her speech one final time before being called before the public that abhorred her. As she rehearsed and recited, mumbling under her breath, she spotted a flash of gold in the crowd. But it didn’t belong to whom she’d thought. It wasn’t the girl of steel that stood in the crowd, grabbing her attention, instead there stood a woman with golden curls in a high ponytail, small black-rimmed glasses that complimented her sharp jaw, while softening her appearance, giving her an innocent quality. She wore a pale pink cardigan that cut off at her hips over a mid-thigh, white, high neck dress with a small decorative faded tan belt around her waist. Lena was taken with the women. She looked so strikingly familiar and yet like no one she’d ever seen before all at the same time. At some stage during her staring the women had looked up, and their gaze met. Her eyes were so blue. The type of blue you hear people saying they could drown in, the type of blue you only ever see once, a magnetic electrified blue that held the destructive powers of storms in them. And she could have sworn she’d seen these eyes before, but never through glass and surrounded by sleek black plastic. But before she could think about it further, Jess was standing in her line of vision, blocking the blonde. Her face was contorted in worry as she tried to get Lena’s attention, and all she could think was how much more adorable the lines of worry looked on a certain blonde hero.

“Yes Jess, what is it?” she haphazardly asked while trying to look over the shorter women's shoulder, trying to catch another glimpse of that tantalising women, but as her eyes skimmed over the crowd, she failed to find her. After a moment's search longer than she should have allowed, she gave up, giving her full attention back to her assistant whos furrowed brow hadn’t lessened. 

“You’re on in a moment Miss Luthor.”

“Thank you, Jess.”

Just then she heard the presenter announce her name, a chorus of boo’s and claps sounded, but she paid them no mind, trying once more to catch a glimpse of the mystery blonde has she made her way to the podium, but alas, she was gone.

“Thank you, Pam, and thank you all for coming. For those of you who don’t know, my name’s Lena Luthor. Over the years my family has hurt a lot of good, innocent people, but none more so than my brother when he went on his crusade after Superman. For this, my family owes a debt, not just to the people of Metropolis, but to everyone. I intend to pay that debt.” Her eye catches the mysterious blonde who looked so familiar to her, and a fire was lit inside her, her next words delivered with a determined vengeance "I know it won’t be an easy task, that not everyone will trust the word of a Luthor, that it’ll take time. But I want to start by reclaiming the company my brother tarnished, by renaming it L Corp. This new chapter will usher in a new age of technological relief, focused on co-operation and community. Together, we will charter in a brighter future, one funded by hope.” There seemed to be a shared look of understanding that passed between Lena and the blonde, something that Lena didn’t fully understand, but it didn’t matter. She didn’t have time to think upon it before the world was shaking, a loud blast reverbed behind her sending people running and screaming.

Her team rushed for her, but a blast to the left of the stage blocked off their path to her, she jumped off the front of the stage as a secondary explosion engulfed the stage in flames and debris. Lena couldn’t see her team; she couldn’t think, her eyes scanned the area with the haze of panic. A flash of red and blue caught her eye, so she ran, ran to where she’d be safe, where she’d be away from the innocents, where she might be able to prevent more carnage and collateral. She ran to Supergirl.

Supergirl seemed to hear her coming and turned, “MISS LUTHOR!” It was the only warning she got before she was knocked to the ground, the heavy weight of a body crashing into her, but as soon as it was there, it was gone. When Lena gathered her bearings, Supergirl was facing down the man that had presumably tackled her, a gun in his hand pointed to the temple of a tall brunette dressed in black tactical gear, holding her in a choker hold. “Let her go!” 

His deep voiced sounded frantic when he spoke, desperate to find a way out, “You’re gonna let me out of here.” An entire conversation passed between the two women before Supergirl began advancing on the man. Lena remained frozen, watching the scene before her unfold. Supergirl looked at her, pain briefly flashing through her eyes before she spoke.

“Lex Luthor hired you to kill his sister didn’t he?”

“Luthor still has resources in reach, even from cell block X.” Lena was shocked out of her frozen spur; Lex had done it, he’d been the one to send countless attempts on her life. And now, some innocent women was going to be used as a bargaining chip, most probably killed, because he couldn't get to her. She couldn't allow someone to die in her place. She looked around, frantic for anything she could use to be of use. Her eyes scanning the paved ground and the bushes that surrounded the path. Peaking out from the bottom of one of the bushes was a black object that caught her attention. It looked like a gun. Lena rushed over, getting on her hand and knees she thrust her hand into the bush, patting the ground till her fingers curled around the cold metal.

As she turned she heard the gunmen making another ultimatum, “Now I’m leaving, and there’s nothing you can do-” Lena didn’t let him finish, she saw the brunette pulling to the left, turning out of his distracted frantic hold and saw her chance. She aimed the gun in her hand and shot. 

The sound rang out, reverbing around them filling Lena’s ears as if she were in a quiet alley in the dead of night instead of in the middle of a park filled with screaming and frantic people, explosions still going off around her. When she tore her gaze away from the coiled husk the man had fallen into, the women that had previously been held hostage by him began applying pressure to his wound, saying something about the bullet going through and through, her eyes meet the startled baby blues of Supergirl. Relief and disbelief meet her muted gaze. 

Not for the first time that day Lena didn’t know how to feel, she felt numb. Her hand holding the gun shook, and it fell from her grasp, but before it could fall to the ground - potentially going off once more - Supergirl was there. She caught the gun and handed it back to the woman whos hands were now stained with blood. Lena couldn’t help herself but laugh at the irony of it; this woman's hands may be physically stained by blood, but it was nothing compared to the blood that stained Lena’s porcelain hands.

Supergirls hands moved to Lena's face, trying to pull her back to the present, back to where she might feel something other than this bleak numbness that the day's events had put her in. Supergirls movements were so slow, so controlled. It was as if she controlled time and was able to slow it down in a way completely juxtaposed to how her powers usually made her experience time. 

Lena saw her face slowly inclining towards her, inch by inch, microbe by microbes, so subtly that as an onlooker you wouldn’t be able to tell. But Lena could, and her heart was racing with the prospect. Before anything could happen Supergirl pulled away, and Lena couldn’t help the hurt that passed over her features before she could school herself, but it was in that moment that she heard Jess’s voice and the hurried footsteps that accompanied it before she felt herself wrapped in her securities arms.

For the briefest moment Lena allowed herself to indulge in the feeling of reassurance, both for herself and that of her friends, but it was not something she’d allow herself to indulge for long, let along in public, or before the girl of steel whos own face was a mix of confusion, hurt and self scolding - feelings Lena was all too familiar with.

Lena pulled herself from Jess’s grasp and could have sworn she saw the hero's fists unclench, her body relaxes and a shaky breath escape her lips, she stores the information for a later date, because now was not the time. “Thank god you’re okay.” came Jess’s quiet whisper, the women shared a final moment of solace in each others presence before Jess took a final step back, “I’m glad you’re okay Miss Luthor, I’ll go prepare a press statement” she inclined her head to both Lena and Supergirl before taking her leave of them.

During all of this paramedics had come and collected the shooter, the women going with him, barking orders at the paramedics, and people that had shown up in similar attire to her own. Lena made a note to grab the footage and find out who she was. 

That just left Supergirl and herself standing in the park, surrounded by debris and the remnants of what had been her new start. Neither daring to break the tentative silence that fell over them, both content to relish in it and the other's presence. But they could only do so for so long. They both broke the peace sating “I should-”

Exhaled laughs were released by the pair, and small smiles tugged at their weary and tired lips. Supergirl was suddenly shy, steeping towards her again, however retaining a respectful distance, “I-” she cut herself off seemingly unable or unwilling to allow her words to fall from her lips.

“Is this where you say how you’re ‘glad I’m okay’?”

“NO,” she says instantly, following up with “I know you’re not okay, not after that.” before Lena can take it the wrong way. A small smile pulls at the corner of her mouth; her voice is soft and tentative when she speaks again, “But I am beyond grateful that you’re safe.”

Lena's breath hitches in her throat, she doesn’t know what to say. Because she’s not okay, her brother just tried to kill her again, and she’d shot a man, she was so far beyond okay, and Supergirl was the only one who seemed not to expect her to be. Supergirl turned, preparing to leave, Lena didn’t know what to say, what could she say? But it seems she needn't worry, because like always Supergirl had her back.

Turning her head ever so slightly that her voice would carry to Lena’s ears, and the teasing glint in her eye would be seen she said, “I told you it was unwise to hold the press conference, Miss Luthor.” With that, she propelled herself into the air, high into the distant skyline of the city, off to no doubt save someone else in need of saving.

And Lena couldn’t help the pull of a smile, she let it grow till it was almost giddy, her dimples on full striking display as she whispered to herself, the woman that had just soared away in a flash of sound, and the universe if it cared to listen, “I never said it was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop I'm back guys XD, and the next chapter actually has a planned structure so that'll hopefully be out soonish too. As always I hope you enjoy and comments are always welcome!


	5. I found you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena finally officially meet.

She’s shaking when she gets back to her office, her entire body buzzing with the leftover adrenaline from the attack. She needed a distraction; she needed to steady herself. She turned on the tv in her office, flicking through channel after channel, it was madness. Every news station was covering the explosion at the press conference, some condemning her, some praising her, others unsure of what to make of her. Even with the address, she’d had Jess give the public the surge of misinformation circulating in the media was staggeringly astounding; she concluded that it was a special kind of skill to be able to be so wrong even when the information was presented to you and dropped in your lap. One thing was clear, however, none of them were right. If Lena wanted the truth out there, she was going to have to put it out there herself.

 

When she’d returned to her office, there was a brown dossier waiting on her desk with the name _‘Danvers, Kara’_ printed neatly in Jess’s unmistakable scrawl, curious she opened it. The first line read: _Reporter at CatCo WorldWide Media 2017 - present, former assistant to Cat Grant 2015 - 2017. Sole reporter (except Cat Grant) to have exclusive interviews with Supergirl - go to reporter for Supergirl related news._ The following information outlined in the various articles and interviews the woman had published regarding the hero, and her connections with her. Detailing her connections to James ‘Jimmy’ Olsen, Superman's go-to in Metropolis that had inexplicably moved to National City around the time that Supergirl had appeared in their skies. Her sister a one, ‘Alex Danvers’ who works alongside Supergirl, supposedly for the FBI - but, as Lena recalls from the notes she found and was able to decipher after her brother went mad, was actually a cover for a clandestine wing of the government called the ‘DEO’. That’s probably ‘Kara Danvers’ source to the hero, through her sister.

 

Lena wants to know more about this woman, more that’s in the folder that Jess has provided for her. She moves to her phone, connecting instantly to Jess who answers on the first ring, “Miss Luthor,”

 

“Jess, I’ve just read the dossier on Miss Danvers. I would like you to arrange an interview with CatCo regarding the spectacle at the press conference, but make sure they send her specifically. If I can kill two birds with one stone by giving the public some factual information while getting a feel for Miss Danvers at the same time all the better.”

 

“Of course Miss Luthor.” Lena could detect a glint in her assistant's tone, but couldn’t place the cause.

 

“What is it, Jess?”

 

“It’s just that, she’s already here Miss Luthor, and she’s requested an interview.”

 

Lena took a sharp intake of breath. She’s thrown off guard. Kara Danvers, already here. Requesting an interview with her, why? Is it because Supergirl was there? It must be the reason. Lena didn’t like the feeling that she was several steps behind. Supergirl may not be an enemy, but she was yet to decide about Miss Danvers, and right now, she was feeling like an animal backed into a corner, ready to strike if she got too close.

 

She closed her eyes, focusing on what needs to be done. She’s the one in control here. This is her domain now; this is where she rules. She lets out a slow controlled breath, her posture becoming rigid, the mask of a seasoned poker player taking over her features, hardening them, masking her intent as not to give her away. Her presence contained to her person - virtually non-existent mere moments ago, now seemed to extend out, engulfing the room. With a voice that screamed power and authority, one she reserved for the insolent members of the board and investors, she told her assistant to send the reporter in.

 

What Lena’s mask didn’t prepare her for, what it didn’t protect her from, was the shock that overtook her when the woman walked timidly into her office. It was the blonde from the press conference. The one she couldn’t stop looking at, the one her attention was effortlessly drawn to, the one that was so strikingly familiar that she could have sworn they’d meet before; yet knew she hadn’t because there is no way she’d forget her face, forget her presence.

 

As the women made her way further into her office, she took the opportunity to examine her in more detail now that there wasn’t a crowd of people and a bundle of nerves separating them. The women still had her golden curls tamed in an immaculate high ponytail, she still wore her pale pink cardigan and white dress, however, both now sported discoloured patches where the evidence of the attack in the park lay, evidence of where the reporter and countless others were caught in the crossfire of her family's vendetta to kill her. Up close Lena could see how toned the woman was. Her clothing both giving her a modest appearance while still tactfully accentuating her natural curves and toned form; the cardigan hugged the woman's surprisingly toned arms, she could see the muscles coiling under the material as the woman readjusted the small black-rimmed glasses that were perched high on her nasal ridge when she realised she was caught under Lena’s appraising gaze, a slight blush dusted her cheeks.

 

Lena couldn’t help the gleeful glint she knew shone in her eye and the small smirk that threatened to show on her lips at the women's seemingly reserved shyness, or the joy it brought her to know she was the cause of the light dusting of red that flushed her body. She couldn’t help the giddiness that bubbled up inside her to know that the woman was affected by her and that she was in control - at least for now.

 

She let the silence stretch out between them for a moment more, allowing her regained confidence to exude into the room before smiling at the woman as she extended her hand, “Miss Danvers I presume.” Despite having the outwards appearance of a question, it was a statement of fact.

 

The blonde stammered for a moment before regaining her composure and answering in kind said, “Yes. Miss Luthor, I presume.” Lena couldn’t stop her smirk from showing this time; there was a fire and steel underneath that outwardly shy exterior.

 

“I should hope so, considering this is my office and you’re here to interview me.” The comment brought a fresh wave of heat to the reporter's face, creeping up from her neck to her ears this time.

 

As much fun as Lena was having teasing the woman she had a plan, an agenda that she needed to achieve, and to do so she needed to get down to business. “Please, Miss Danvers, take a seat.”

 

A mumbled ‘Thank you’ was uttered as Lena rounded her desk to take her own seat. The two women sat in silence, sizing the other up for a moment, waiting to see who would break first and move the conversation along. Lena was weighing her options, starting the conversation would give her power, the ability to steer it in the direction she desired, but as every good chess player knows, patience is key. If you can outlast your opinion in a game of patience you’ve already won.

 

As much as the chess player in Lena screamed at her to wait, to make the blonde come to her, there was something about the woman that made her not want to play games - or at least, ones that weren’t strictly necessary.

 

“Miss Danvers-”

 

“Kara.”

 

Lena raised a brow at the interruption, amused at the shock and panic that passed over the woman's features when she realised the inetiquette of her sudden outburst, quickly rambling “Please,” she took a steadying breath, “call me Kara.”

 

The mirth didn’t fade from Lena’s features as she countered, “Well if I’m calling you Kara,”

 

“Lena it is,” she said, smiling brightly at the CEO.

 

Lena couldn’t help but return her smile, shaking her head to herself at Kara’s second interruption of the meeting, but really, she couldn’t find it in herself to be anything but amused.

 

“So, _Kara_ ,” when she said her name she thought she saw a shiver pass over Kara’s form but decided that it was just her imagination and moved on, “I saw you at the press conference earlier today, were you covering it for CatCo?”

 

Again, a blush rose to her cheeks, staining them a deep red now, her voice was timid when she spoke this time, almost like she was sharing an intimate secret, “Yes, I - Snapper - my boss - sent me to cover it given the history of your family with the Supers.”

 

Lena’s playful mood evaporated with the mention of her family, her eyes growing closed off and distant, her face hardening minutely back into the mask she’d had on before Kara had come into her office, back into the wall that she hadn’t realised Kara’s presence of a few mere minutes had managed to disable. Kara seemed to note the change in Lena’s demeanour, the formerly warm and welcoming smile gone, replaced with a cold exterior, her heckles seemed to be raising, the cornered animal coming back, ready to attack.

 

“Not that I- I not that I think you’re like them, not that being like them is a bad thing, well I mean they are mass murders so it’s not the best but-” she was rambling, her face stricken with regret and panic, the combination oddly familiar to Lena, as with other aspects of her presence. She just couldn’t place it.

 

“It is fine _Miss Danvers_ , shall we continue.”

 

Kara’s shoulders seemed sagged with the regression to her last name; it pulled at something in Lena’s chest to see this woman look deflated. So she made a conscious effort to soften her tone when she spoke again, her face softening as much as her mask of professionalism would allow. “Please, Kara, I’m sure you have a set of questions for me.” A part of Lena berated her, how had she allowed herself to be so thrown off guard by this woman? How’d she allowed herself to relinquish power to easily, handing it over so willingly? It wasn’t because she thought Kara was beautiful, - not that she didn’t - but she's dealt with plenty of beautiful women before and never, not once had she allowed this to happen.

 

Kara perked up, not seeming to notice Lena’s internal dilemma, nodding her head so fast Lena winced, fearing she’d given herself whiplash. She looked down at the notepad in her had, presumably, it had a list of pre-prepared questions or notes that the reporter could prompt herself from.

 

“Do you know why you were targeted and by whom?”

 

Lena deliberated with for a moment, deciding how honest with the public she wanted to be, she knew it was Lex that had hired that man that had tried to kill her - not that she knew who he was. She knew no matter what she said there would be people that said she was lying, that she orchestrated it herself to garner sympathy from the public towards her cause or some other equally ridiculous notion. But she also knew, she hoped, that there’d be people like Supergirl who believed her. So she decided to go with the uncensored truth - as much as she knew at least.

 

“I don’t know the man that carried out the attack - Supergirl would know more than I - but I can confirm that he was hired by…” she paused her throat growing thick as she tried to say her brother's name. She didn’t have to finish; it seems Kara got the general idea of who she was alluding to.

 

Her next question was more timid, “Do you know why he’d send someone to kill you?”

 

A sad smile adorned her lips, “No. I haven’t been able to understand his motives, or know what was going on in his head for a long time - longer than I had initially thought it’d seem.” Sighing she continued, “It’s not the first attempt, and I highly doubt it’ll be the last. As for the reason, I can only guess it’s because I took charge of the company.”

 

A crinkled, a crinkle she knew, formed between Kara’s brows with her last statement. But she didn’t press further, just continued with her list of questions, some about the attack, about how the attacker was subdued, and ones composed before it all occurred, one's meant to be asked at the conference regarding her company.

 

Lena couldn’t help the easy nature she seemed to be able to converse with Kara in, she knew it was the woman's job, but if Lena had to guess she’d put money on that the woman enjoyed her company and found it just as easy.

 

After Kara had seemed to have asked all her questions, and Lena had gotten a few of her own answered in the process the interview was drawing to a close. The pair stood and began walking over to the office door in silence. When they got there, both stopped, not wanting to say goodbye just yet, “Thank you again for agreeing to the interview, Miss Luthor.”

 

With mock exasperation seeping into her smile Lena chastised her, “Kara, how many times must I tell you? It’s Lena.”

 

The smallest of smiles appeared on the bubbly blondes lips, and despite it lacking the radiance of her beaming smiles Lena had grown accustomed to over the past few hours, this one somehow seemed to be more, to mean more. Her head nodded once, acquiescent to her request. She looked back into Lena’s eyes, seemingly searching for something. Her hand reached for the door, opening it she began to exit, with no more words.

 

Just as Lena turned on the closing door and Kara’s seeming retreating frame she stopped, a warm hand wrapping around her wrist and the blondes melodic voice rooting her in place, she turned back to look at the blonde, whos crinkle was not firmly back in place as she tried to decipher her own actions, and what she wanted to say. When she looked up it appeared to Lena that she’d made a decision, a sense of clarity seemed to over take her eyes, her mouth opening and her words leaving it more strong and sure than they had the entire time she’d been in Lena’s office, “I, I know you can’t possibly be okay with what’s happened, and that’s okay. I just want you to know you can talk to me if you want, I can be here for you Lena.”

 

As Lena opens her mouth to politely rebuff Kara’s offer she’s stopped dead in her takes, her mind freezing as it tries to comprehend the words that leave her mouth next and the familiar strength of conviction she sees in her eye, “You may not be okay Lena, but I am grateful that you’re safe.”

 

Green eyes, the colour of the ocean when a storm is brewing on the horizon, lock with combat blue that hold the power and ferocity of the eye of the storm in them. She knows then. Kara hadn’t made a mistake; she hadn’t gotten lucky, she’d said those particular words on purpose. Lena had wanted to find a connection to Supergirl, and now she had; but she hadn’t just found a connection to Supergirl, she’d stumbled on her girl of steel herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had written a section of this chapter basically right after the last... and it isn't in it... I didn't really work with how I ended up writing this scene so it's going to be the base for the next chapter, which I'm afraid is going to be a lot darker, a lot more ansty, and probably a bit of a wait... I did this tonight because I was avoiding my final assignment, but alas it's worth 45% of my final grade so I've got to actually get cracking on it. I mean I'll try intermittently work on it when I take breaks but I have to be emotionally in the right place to write it.
> 
> Finally, I'm sorry for any inconsistencies and mistake I haven't gotten any sleep and just wanted to upload this so enjoy XD


	6. Finding old friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so it's been a month XD sorry about that but ah life haha here's a new chapter for ya'll I hope you enjoy!

Lena slumped down on her couch, uncaring of how improper it was, of how it made the couch scrap along the wooden flooring with the energy her motions transferred into it. She was so tired. She rested her head in her hands, how did her life become this-this monstrosity that she tried so hard to avoid? She never wanted to be a public figure for L Corp; she was content staying in the background in her lab, that was where she thrived, it was what she lived for; not board meetings and men with such inferiority complexes that they have to whip it out and measure at every possible opportunity. She never wanted her brother to become a murderer, to resent her for taking over the company, the company she never wanted, and try to kill her countless times for it.  She hadn't wanted her life to become this abysmal mess, where she was saved from her drunken self by Supergirl, where she couldn't get the hero out of her head. Where the woman beneath the cape seemed just as good and amiable as the girl of steel herself; if not more so. She sighed, picking up her head from her hands, her eye catching the amber liquid contained by crystal on the silver tray across the room. She stared at it for what felt like a lifetime; it sat there mocking her, calling to her, promising that all her turmoil, all her problems would go away if she'd just give in and have a glass. Lena knew it was all lies, that it wouldn't help anything, it'd only make everything so much more complicated than it already was, that it'd only make her spiral more than she already was, that it would animate her demons into feasible beings. But she also didn't care. She wanted the release it offered, the escape it offered, even if it was only for a moment. She needed to let go, to be taken away from herself, from this reality she seemed to find herself in. And right now, right now the payout of those few moments of blissful ignorance, of freedom from who she was and what that all meant, was bigger than what she knew would await her afterwards. 

 

Decision made Lena made her way over to the cart that held both her savour and her downfall. She reached for the decanter, hesitating. She knows she shouldn't, but. But but but. She was so tired of thinking; she just wanted to act, consequences be damned! She poured more than was strictly necessary of the amber liquid into her tumblr, filling it near to the brim. She stared at the glass, hands resting on the edges of the cart, as though her subconscious was trying to physically hold her back, to prevent her from going back to the darkness that lurked just below the surface. 

 

Lena closed her eyes, trying to shut out the waring voices in her head, telling her to do it, telling her it's not worth it; telling her telling her telling her - before she could think her hand was sailing through the air and knocking the tumblr to the floor, taking the entire contents of the tray along with it, a resounding smashing of the crystal and a catering of the silver on the hardwood floor reverberated throughout the empty apartment. When Lena opened her eyes she was panting, her entire chest heaving in jerky movements with the effort to draw air into her lungs, her entire body vibrating with the emotions that resided within her that just wanted to break free. 

 

How had it come to this? It was the question that was stuck twirling around her brain. The question that plugged her so fiercely that made her try anything to quieten out the voices in her head - well the anything that was a expensive scotch or whisky. Sighing she retreated to the kitchen to retrieve what she needed to clean up the mess she’d made; if only Lex’s mess was just as easily whipped away.

 

Lena knew she couldn’t keep doing this, she couldn’t continue tempting herself back into the dark spiral her life had found. She needed better; she needed to do better. Slouching back against the couch she grabbed her phone from where it lay silently. She studied her contacts, her heart constricting with how utterly alone the sight truly made her feel. Looking through the names and numbers, she realised there wasn’t a person she could call - well a person she felt she could call. 

 

Among the slew of business contacts, there was her ex Jack; they’d split on less than amicable terms when she made the move to National City to try and save the company her father had loved and that had a hand in driving her beloved brother mad. Her ex.. Everything Victoria or as she now known as Roulette. Her mind circled to Jess, but Jess was her employee first and friend second. At least Lena considered her a friend, not that she knew what a friend was. Both Lex’s and Lillian's names appear, and she feels her heart sink just a little further, one used to be the person she went to for everything, he was her person; the other a constant pain in her heart. Then, a number she hasn't used before shows up, the number of a one Kara Danvers, or should she say Supergirl?

 

Kara had given Lena her number and business card at the conclusion of their interview in case she had any questions about the article or wished to add anything, Lena had been in the public light enough to know that it wasn’t standard procedure, but she’d also realised that Kara wasn’t just any reporter or women for that matter. The action made more sense to Lena when she’d made the offer to be there for her, but was she genuine? Lena knew she was, her eyes held nothing but strength and kindness. The real question was, could Lena open herself up enough to trust her? Lena felt a pull to Kara, both as the powerful and commanding hero of National City and the quirky, shy reporter from CatCo, but could she trust that she could open up to this woman that was so good and whole without breaking her? Without driving her away only to be left more alone than she’d been before? Could she give herself this hope that she wouldn’t be alone just to have yet another person leave her life? Could she allow herself to get attached?

 

Lena hardened herself because no, she couldn’t. Everyone left her. And she couldn’t handle that night now. Scrolling back up through her contacts Lena hit her assistance name and listened to the phone ring twice before it was answered. “Miss Luthor?”

 

The question in Jess's voice was obvious, she was worried about her boss, but Lena ignored it, she needed to remain focused, needed to get this done. “Jess, could you get in touch with Dr. Melinda Gordon and ask her to contact me as soon as she’s able? Give her my personal mobile to make it easier.” she heard a murmured “Yes Miss Luthor” as her assistant typed away on her computer, no doubt emailing the doctor as they spoke, “and send me the contact details for detective Maggie Sawyer would you.” again, a murmured “Yes Miss Luthor” was heard through the line, “One last thing Jess” the line was silent, both women anticipating the other “I want you to pull L-Corps security footage of the park and send it to me” 

 

A small sigh released from the other side of the line, seemingly both relieved yet sad, “Of course Miss Luthor, will there be anything else?”

 

“No, thank you, Jess, that’ll be all, goodnight.” 

 

Her voice was clearer and more focused when she spoke this time, the tapping of keys had ceased just as Lena’s phone buzzed with a notification, “Goodnight Miss Luthor. I’ll see you at the office in the morning.” With that, the line went dead and Lena brought her phone away from her face to look at her most recent notification.

 

There was an email from Jess detailing the contact details for one detective Maggie Sawyer, Lena suspected that by the time she was done with the detective the surveillance footage would be available for her review. Lena typed in the number, going back over it to make sure it was correct before she hit call, her hand only slightly shaking as she brought the phone to her ear and listened to it ring. She was about to disconnect the call when someone on the other end of the line picked up the call, “Detective Sawyer.”

 

Lena released a shaky breath before stealing her voice, morphing into the confident facade her board members and the rest of the world sees “Detective Sawyer, it’s Lena Luthor.”

 

The line was quiet for a moment, and if Lena couldn’t hear the other women's breathing through the line she’d have sworn she’d hung up. After a moment she spoke again, her voice more hesitant, yet laced with intrigue, “What can I do for you, Miss Luthor?”  

 

“I would appreciate your assistance in a private matter.”

 

“Tell me what it’s in regards to, and I’ll see what I can do for you.”

 

“I would like the number of your friend Alex.”

 

There was a slight tone of accusation in Maggie's tone when she spoke next, “And why would that be Miss  _ Luthor _ .” 

 

Lena sighed at the use of her last name as a slyr, but let it go because she wanted the Detectives help. Steeling herself for the possible rejection and judgement Lena said “I heard that she’s one of the best sobriety coaches around, and rather discreet about whom her clients are.” 

 

The line once again went quiet, this time Lena did have to check that the call hadn’t indeed disconnected, as she pulled the phone from her face she saw that the call was still running, as she brought it back she once again spoke “Detective?”

 

“I’m still here.”

 

Sighing Lena tried to release some of her frustrations with the Detectives lack of an answer, “Will you give me her number or not Maggie?”

 

A similar sigh could be heard on the other end of the line accompanied by a string of curing before she spoke again, her voice softer than before, “Of course I will Lena…” she paused for a moment, “I’m sorry that it’s gotten to the point where you need it.”

 

Lena pinched the bridge of her nose, hearing her old schoolmates concern and regret made her feel as though she was cared about, and that wasn’t something she could allow herself to think. So, as always, she snapped back to defend her broken heart, “Yes, well, when your family is full of mass murders that are also trying to kill you, you tend to develop a drinking problem.”

 

Despite her catyness, there was no bite in Maggie's voice when she spoke again, “Do you have a piece of paper and a pen?”

 

“Just a moment.” Lena walked over to her handbag and pulled out a pen, resting her phone in between the crook of her neck and her shoulder she gave the go-ahead and began scribbling Alex's number in neat cursive on her hand.

 

Laying the pen down, she released a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, “Thank you, Maggie.” 

 

“Of course.” There was yet another pause on the line, but before Lena could take it as the end of the conversation, Maggie spoke again, “She’s hard on her clients and has a different method for each of them, I can’t promise you what you’d be walking into Lena.”

 

The concern in her old friend's voice gripped tightly at Lena’s heart but she didn’t think on it, she continued to plague through their conversation, inching to have it over with. Despite that, however, her voice came out soft and appreciative, “I’m aware” she paused unsure if she should continue, but her lips moved before her brain could analyse all the possible outcomes, “Thank you for your concern, Maggie.” 

 

She could almost see the usually stoic Latina nodding, almost hear the motion through the phone, “Of course Lena.” This time it was Maggie who hesitated, but like Lena, she soldiered through her insecurities about what the outcome may be and extended an olive branch that might just save Lena. “I’m here Lena, if you need anything, just give me a call.”

 

Lena squeezed her eyes shut, moisture pooling at the corners of her eyes, she willed it not to fall, she willed her throat not to constrict as it was. She willed the emotions that consumed her at the simple gesture of kindness to dissipate. But when she spoke her voice was thick with these emotions, it was low and raspy, clogged with all that she wanted to express but was unable to “I will,” and in a whisper, “Thank you, Sawyer.”

 

A small smile pulled at Lena’s lips at hearing Maggie’s raspy laugh at the teasing tone placed in the use of her last name, a reminder of when they were in school, she could even see the head shake that would have no doubt accompanied the small laugh, “I’ll be seeing you little Luthor.”

 

With that, the line went dead, and for the first time in a long time, hearing her last name didn’t cause her to wince inwardly or her body to coil as if preparing for an attack. She smiled at the memories of a time long since passed that the old nickname brought up. Memories of a time she might have considered herself happy.

 

Checking her phone she saw that she had indeed received another email from Jess during the time she’d been on the phone with Maggie, she moved into her home office, firing up her computer she downloaded the attached video clips from L-corps surveillance cameras.

 

She opened them all, looking for the one that had a view of the right section of the park where she’d had her confrontation with Lex’s hired assassin. When she finally found it she speed up the playback until she got to the moment she was looking for, she slowed down the playback frame by frame, hoping that she’d get a clean image.

 

She made a small noise of triumph when she got an image of both the assassin and the brunette looking in the direction of the camera. She opened a new system that would rout her through a back door connecting her to L-corps main server. From there she pulled up a shadow program that she’d made years ago at Lex’s behest, she’d never given it to him though, she’d claimed that the technology wasn’t yet advanced enough to do as he’d asked, she’d run the beta version for him to demonstrate as such. But Lena had done it; she’d made a facial recognition software that could match a person's face even if they were in disguise with 98% certainty - baring facial reconstruction surgery, then it went to 78%. But she’d never used it, never given it to Lex fearing what he might have done with it, who he might have given it to, or used to destroy. She shuttered because now she understood why he’d wanted it, to find Superman and kill him in his civilian form.

 

But Lena had never had the heart to destroy it, her creation that she’d devoted much time to. So she hid it, and now she's glad she did. She pulled the image of the assassin and the women he’d held, the women that seemed to work with Supergirl. With knowing Supergirls identity she could just ask, but Lena was a chess champion, she had to be moves ahead, even if it was against someone that might be considered an ally.

 

She hesitated before commanding the system to run the search, she knew she had to find out who Lex’s assassin was, but her mind was struggling to formulate all the possible repercussions if she ran the woman's face. What would happen if Kara found out? What would happen if Lena’s suspicions were correct? There was only one way to find out. And whos to say anyone would ever find out?

 

With a steadying breath, Lena hit run on the search and prayed to whoever might be listening that it was the right decision and wouldn’t bring a hailstorm of death upon her.


	7. Who are we to ourselves?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I changed the name of the sober companion that Lena got the number of from Maggie in the last chapter because I thought it'd suit where/ how I wanted to direct the story, you don't need to go back and the two lines I changed because this is a Lena and sober companion centric chapter so you'll see who it is. I hope you guys enjoy the dynamic. I'm also uploading this from my phone and haven't had a decent opportunity to edit it because I haven't had wifi for the past couple days as I've been writing it so I apologise for any mistakes.

It’d been a week. A week since she’d run the facial recognition software on her would be assassin and Supergirls’ friend. It only took two days for the system to find a match for the assassin Lex had hired to kill her, his name was John Corben, assassin for hire; original. He’s presumed to have links to various terrorist groups as well as powerful businessmen. It’s unknown where he developed his skill set, but there are rumours that he was involved with various black ops groups from around the world - a mercenary for hire throughout his career it’d seem. But then there was the woman. It took two days for her system to find a match on a trained assassin whose job it was to stay off the grid, whose anonymity was key to his success in his field, whose ability to conceal his true identity was what kept him alive and in the job all these years. And yet she was able to discover who he was in two days, but not this women. 

 

Lena was begging to have second thoughts about running the amber haired agents face. It took someone actively altering and counter-hacking to prevent an identification with this kind of tech. It took twenty-four hour constant surveillance and scrubbing. Lena knew images of this woman existed, she had one, so the only conclusion was that she did indeed work with Supergirl, and it wasn’t for some meger employer like the FBI or even the CIA either. Whoever Supergirl worked with they meant business, they were clandestine, a sector of a government that didn't formally exist but took a large stipend of their annual budget. Lena didn’t know how she felt about that; for herself, or the girl of steel. 

 

During this time Lena avoided both the girl of steel and her more bubbly counterpart Kara Danvers. She wasn’t sure where they stood. They hadn’t seen each other since Kara had all but confirmed that she and Supergirl were one in the same, though, not through the blondes lack of trying. She’d called Lena countless times, left messages and voice messages, all of which went unanswered by the CEO, unanswered, but not unheard. She knew the woman was worried for her, a sentiment that clench at Lena’s heart, and made her feel in a way she didn’t believe herself capable of after having survived the Luthors. She wasn’t just avoiding the woman because she felt like she was somehow breaking the hero's trust by trying to find out the agents identity, no it wasn't just that, she tried to convince herself it was, but Lena was never very good at lying to herself for long. There was more to her avoidance of the hero than herself proclaimed breach of trust. She didn’t know how to approach the woman that had so easily wormed herself into Lena’s affections in both of her forms. These emotions were so foreign to her, she couldn't begin to conceive how she was meant to express them, or even what they meant. Lena also felt it her moral obligation to keep the pure blonde as far away from her self-destructive darkness as possible; she may be seeking help, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off and take anyone who was too close at the time along with her. She wasn’t prepared to risk the ray of sunshine that was the blonde puppy from space, again bring her back to her conflicting emotions regarding the woman.

 

No, Lena was trying to fix herself and the last thing she needed was to add another person and their emotions into that travesty of an equation, her own emotions were challenging enough. 

Lena was trying. She was trying to get better, to be better. For herself, and in the hopes that perhaps one-day people would see more than a Luthor when they looked at her. That perhaps one day she’d be judged on her own merit and not that of others. But Lena knew she couldn’t do that alone. As stubborn, strong-willed, and a quick study as she was, she knew she couldn’t do this on her own, that she wasn’t strong enough; at least not yet. So, she called the number Maggie had given her, not daring herself to hope that the woman accepted her as a client and helped her beat her demons, one way or another. But Lena also knew that by calling she’d allowed herself to hope. She sighed as the phone rang, steeling herself for the likely rejection she was bound to receive on being a Luthor and nothing more.

 

When the line connected a silk honey voice greeted her, drawing her in with its modencolly feel despite the words themselves being curt, brash and few, “Alex.” a single word actually. Despite that, however, Lena could hear a multiple of things hidden within it, there was a question, an assertion of authority, a promise, and a threat if you wasted her time all rolled into the single utterance of her name. Lena couldn’t help but smile at herself, this must be how people felt when they spoke to her, so cold and commanding, yet something of a sirens call that draws them into where she can get them. Lena could imagine herself and Alex being friends in another life, but she didn’t call to make a friend, far from it.

 

Steeling herself she answered with the same melodic tone that she used to lull stuffy masonganist board members into a sense of security and complacency before she struck, “Good morning, Alex…?” She let her greeting trail off, expecting a last name to be offered when none is she continues, not surprised. “I presume Detective Sawyer informed you of my impending call?”

 

There was a sound distinct of a chuckle on the other end of the phone, but Lena couldn’t be sure, however, when the voice spoke again there was distinct mirth held within, “Yes Miss Luthor, Maggie did tell me to expect your call.” the line went silent then the woman spoke again, her voice more teasing than before, “That or that you’d never call at all.”

 

Lena huffed in indignation, of course, Maggie would say that. Though Lena couldn’t fault her, it’s true that either she’d call right away or not at all. But this was something she had to do, - something she  _ needed  _ to do - it wasn’t something she could put off; not if she wanted to get better. 

 

“Yes, well.” The woman's teasing had put Lena of tilter, she wasn’t use to people responding to her in that manner, not since she was a teen and the Luthor name and connection was coveted, now most spoke to her with thinly veiled disdain and mistrust - though most didn’t even try to hide it anymore.

 

She had to regain control of the conversation, she needed to feel as though she had the upper hand, or at least that they were on equal footing. She didn’t like the feeling of being subject to someone else's will. 

 

“So, Alex, you know why I’ve called and you’ve obviously had ample time to contemplate the situation. So what will it be?”

 

Curt and straight to the point, this was a business transaction at its core, and that’s how Lena was going to treat this, as a negotiation.

 

This time Lena can hear a distinct laugh coming from the other end of the line, the other woman not even trying to hide her amusement at Lena’s business demeanour anymore. This, however, does nothing but cause Lena to bristle in annoyance and aggravation, her tone is clipped as she rushes in to speak before Alex even has a chance to answer her previous question.

 

“If your only intent is to laugh at me then I will take my business elsewhere.” While Lena hadn’t raised her voice her control had slipped. Her tone no longer cold and aloof, as though she could take or leave Alex’s help, but rather boarding on cracking under the emotion she was trying to reign in. She was no longer the CEO controlling the board, moving the pieces as she needed them and saw fit, but rather the paw being moved in sacrifice of the king, completely out of control and at the mercy of those that played the game. She felt out of control, adrift, and in desperate need of a drink to bring her back.

 

Alex seemed to sense this change in Lena. Perhaps it was because she’d seen her talk before and noted the fluctuation in her normally controlled tone, perhaps it was intuition that came with being a sobriety coach and sponsor. Whatever it may be she noticed. And Lena couldn’t decide if she was glad for it or deeply concerned by it.

 

“Miss Luthor I swear it wasn't my intent to insult you.” 

 

Before Lena could interject that that was exactly what she’d intended to do Alex continued, “I was merely appreciating your no-nonsense business approach to this.”

 

Silence hung thick in the air between the pair, neither sure if the other was going to end the call, both waiting for the other to initiate the next interaction. Lena knew she should wait her appointed out, that’s what her chess mind told her to do, but this wasn’t a game of chess, and the CEO part of her mind told her that she could regain the upper hand by setting the president for the rest of their conversation, controlling it would go.

 

“I wish to retain your services Alex, are you amenable to this or not? I do not want to be wasting my time with someone who just wishes to mess with me because I’m a Luthor.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Lena hesitates, unsure what she heard and what it all means, “Yes?”

 

She hates how hesitant and ensure her voice sounds, how weak it makes her feel. But she can’t help it. At this moment she is vulnerable, she is unsure, and most of all she is weak. But unlike almost everyone she knows this unknown woman doesn’t take advantage of her, at least she thinks she doesn’t.

 

“I will be your sober companion and coach.”

 

Lena can’t believe it. She’d expected a rejection, she thought she’d received one. But no, this woman had said yes. She’d help her. As much as she wanted to blindly appreciate what she was being offered she couldn't help but think there was a catch, there was always a catch in her world. Her eyes narrowed as she waited for the woman to list her terms, expecting them to be steep. When she wasn’t forthcoming Lena spoke, her eyes narrowing in suspicion and accusation before the words even left her mouth. “And what, pray tell, am I to give you in return?”

 

A loud sigh permeates the silence between them, “Nothing.”

 

Lena takes a breath to argue that no one wants nothing, that everyone always wants something, especially from her. But, before she can get a word in edgewise Alex is speaking again, her voice small and sincere. “I want nothing from you but your commitment to getting clean and sober and staying that way.” 

 

Alex takes a break before continuing, “I won’t lie to you, it’s going to be hard, I’m going to push you to as close to your breaking point as I can before you fall. I’m going to test your patience and resolve, your will to get and stay clean. And if you’re willing to put in the work, listen to what I tell you, and allow me to help you then I’m willing to do so.”

 

Lena’s speechless, she knows the women's genuine, if not from the sincerity and passion that laces her voice, but from Maggie's recommendation of her when she gave Lena her number. A silent approval from the Detective and a show of her trust in the other woman.

 

“Tell me if you’re willing to do that Lena, tell me you're committed before we waste both of our time.”

 

Lena could feel a fire light within herself. It was a challenge, Alex was presenting her with a challenge to her abilities, goating her, but it was exactly what she needed.

 

“I am, I want to get clean. I no longer want to crave and rely on alcohol when all it does is make things worse.”

 

Lena hears a humm from the other end of the line, “Good. Meet me at 39 Alfred Ave at 4pm tomorrow. We will discuss how best to go about maintaining your sobriety then.”

 

Lena mumbles out her agreement to meet with Alex tomorrow, the begin saying their goodbyes when Alex says her name in a manner that catches the CEO’s attention, “And Lena, if you feel your resolve slipping never hesitate to call my number or the number of your friends.”

 

Lena scoffs at that, “I don’t have any friends.”

 

“I think you’ll find that there are more people in your corner than you give yourself or them credit form”

 

Lena doesn’t quite understand the resolve she hears behind the woman's voice, perhaps she’s talking about Maggie, after all it was Maggie that connected the two, but it sounded like more than that. That she was in on a secret about Lena that she herself didn’t even know yet. However, it comforts her nonetheless; perhaps, just maybe, she’s not quite as alone as she might think.

 

//

 

The next day at 3:54 Lena stood outside 39 Alfred Ave having a small internal crisis. She clenched and unclenched her hands at her sides repeatedly in an attempt to keep from fidgeting and ‘straightening’ out her outfit for the umpteenth time. She was a ball of nervous energy, it didn’t help that Kara had sent her a message around lunch today, seemingly knowing that something monumental was this afternoon. Lena knew the woman was Supergirl and could listen to any and all conversations she had if she so wished, but she also knew Kara wouldn’t. The bases of that claim were thin, she was trusting her gut instinct about the other woman and what she’d learned from the dossier that Jess had prepared for her. It was not something a scientist would stake their career on, or even accept as substantial evidence to base a conclusion on, but right now trusting her gut was enough for Lena. At least regarding Kara.

 

Kara who was so good and kind, so selfless, who didn’t judge or condemn her for being a Luthor, Kara who messaged and called her every day, even when they remained unanswered, just to check that she was okay. Kara who looked so perfect that it was hard to believe than anyone thought she was of this world. A soul so pure that even when touched by devastation she still remained so good and willing to self-sacrifice for those that would show her prejudice and hate.

 

Lena stood on the stoop musing about the alien that had consumed her thoughts since she’d meet both the otherworldly hero and the mild-mannered reporter, always wondering which was the true Kara. Was it one or the other? Was it a combination of the both of them? Who was the true Kara? Would the women herself even know, had it been so long that like Lena she was unable to discern her true self from the person others saw and claimed her to be?

 

Lena was startled from her musings when an alert sounded from the phone in her hand almost causing her to drop it on the concrete stoop. It troubled her because there was only two notifications authorised to bypass the do not disturb setting on her phone currently, the first being calls from Jess, and the second being the results of the mystery women's facial recognition search. With shaky hands Lena unlocked her phone, knowing that it wasn’t a call from Jess she’d received. 

 

Syncing to her system through an encrypted LCorp satellite that recounted the single at least a dozen times she waited with baited breath for the results to load and tell who the woman was, if, at all, a match was found.

 

When the name appeared attached to a clearer photo that showcased the woman's featured Lena’s breath rushed from her lungs in a gasp. The woman in the picture was definitely her mystery agent, but not only that in the flagged picture she wasn’t alone. No, alongside her in the photograph were two blonde women, one of which Lena knew well. The first was an older woman, the pairs mother if Lena had to guess, the second was the woman she hadn’t been able to erase from her conscious or subconscious for days, weeks even. In the photo with the ambered haired woman that had helped save her life was none other than Kara Danvers. In the photo the amber-haired woman held the striking blonde in a side hug while the older blonde was on her other side, both girls wearing matching grins, Kara’s bordering out into a more radiant toothy smile that could blind you through its sheer brilliance even through the still of the photograph. 

 

But it was the name attached that sent Lena into a spiral. Alexandra Danvers. Kara’s sister. Kara’s adoptive sister? What if Kara wasn’t the last daughter of Krypton? No, her family wouldn’t let her do it alone if that were the case, and the agent - no Alexandra - would have used her powers had that been the case. Adoptive it is.

 

This news sent Lena reeling. The first emotion she could name was relief. Relief that Kara wasn’t in danger of being used and betrayed by a shady government agency that by all accounts didn’t exist, and crushing relief that the two women weren’t an item. The pricking nerves and lashing of jealous anger she hadn’t realised were lurking beneath the surface receding and leaving her shocked.

 

But what left her absolute reeling what when the door before her opened. With the notification from her program, she’d forgotten herself, she’d forgotten where she was, and why she was there. The door swung open revealing her sober companion. 

 

And while Lena knew this was going to be a difficult and gruelling process with the opening of that door it became all the more so. The ajar door revealed the identity of the previously unknown Alex to her. Lena’s eyes jumped back and forth from the image still open on the screen in her hand and the face of the woman before her in complete bewildered disbelief for Alexandra Danvers and Alex the sober companion were one and the same.

 

Kara’s sister, Supergirls colleague, the woman that had played a hand in saving her life from the fourth assassin her brother had sent to kill her, and the woman that was supposed to keep her sober were all one in the same. Lena wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry, god and did she want a drink. 

 

After what could be considered a lifetime to Lena Alex seemed to notice the image in her hand that caused her gaping at her. Alex sighed in what appeared to Lena to be registration, though if pressed she wouldn’t be able to tell you if the woman had sighed at all she was in such a state of shock and disbelief that she can’t recall much of their interaction from this moment.

 

But anger flicked through Lena’s mind. Had Alex not expected Lena to remember her from the renaming ceremony? Even if she'd not run her face through facial recognition software she had to realise that Lena would recognise her. Was this all a setup? What was going on? Lena felt the fool, she felt tricked, and all it did was make her so angry.

 

And what of Kara’s text today? Had Alex told her? Had she broken the vow of a sponsor? Though Lena wasn’t doing the traditional program she knew the rules, and that presumed breach of trust, a trust she hadn’t realised she’d yet given, a trust she didn’t realise she’d freely accepted to be apart of this, broke her a little further. Making her fum further, her mind clouding with red-hot anger as the voices of her demons and Lillian swirled and grew snickering and shouting of deceit and trickery and how she would always remain the fool.

 

Lena knew that her face reflected the turbulent emotions threatening to consume her when she saw Alex flinch before her, as if physically struck by Lena. 

 

God could she use a drink right now. 

 

Lena was about to leave, turn and flee to the nearest bar, she needed to shut the voices of her shouting demons out, if only for a minute. Perhaps forever if she could manage to end it without the interference of a certain blonde this time.

 

But, just as the thought crossed her mind another smaller voice whispered for her to stop, to breath. She closed her eyes for an instant, breathing in deeply and exhaling slow and steady. When she opened her eyes they were glancing with the turbulent and contrasting emotions that were threatening to consume and destroy her. Her gaze pleading for something she couldn’t discern. But Alex seemed to know, her own gaze strengthening as she stood to the side, a silent invitation to enter as she said, “Let me explain.” 


	8. To new friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more Alex and Lena banter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, my hand slipped.... I'm still not sure how often this will be updated but I've actually taken a holiday this mid-sem break and well this happened. Next chapter it'll jump forth a little to what Alex actually has in store for Lena, some Maggie/Lena scenes, Lena/Jess scenes, hopefully Lena/Kara scenes and maybe introduce a new character too..... we'll just have to wait and see cause I don't plan nothing and the chapters just kinda have a way of running away from me into their own beasts... 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy and yeah.... Hi XD

“Let me explain.”

 

Famous last words Lena thought, but nevertheless, she felt her feet carrying her across the threshold and into the… boxing studio? What was this place? Before she could allow herself to become distracted by what Alex had planned for her she turned back around to face the amber-haired woman, her anxiety spiking further with the nervous energy she could feel flowing off her in waves.

 

The pair stood there, looking at each other, looking everywhere but at one another for what seemed like to Lena as a lifetime. But she wouldn’t break first. She was raised in the Luthor household, as a Luthor, and if there was one thing she’d learned and kept with her all these years was that you never showed your hand first; always let your opponent come to you. A strategy that also was key in chess she mused. 

 

Because of this Lena was an incredibly patient woman, but she was also a scientist. And scientist, while they can be patient people, also become irrational when a solution to their problem is proving imminent, lurking just before them, taunting them by remaining within sight but just out of reach, goating them to take the jump, to leap past protocol and procuration, to ignore their better judgement all to obtain it.

 

So, thought Lena knew the value of patients, she also knew the sweet taste of reward for jumping in head first. And her resolve was breaking. Much like with her drinking, a dark distant voice in the back of her head mussed in a smug manner - if she thought about it she could even say it sounded like Lillian, but she didn’t think about it. She both feared where the voice would lead her and the taunting silence that was threatening to tear every cell in her body apart. Abandoning her resolve to wait for her opponent out Lena opened her mouth to speak when the deafening silence was broken by Alex clearing her throat.

 

Lena's eyes shifted back to the agent, losing their lost haze of internal thought and growing sharp once more, like a predator stalking and taking stock of their prey. And though Lena knew that Alex could kill her fifty times over, in fifty different ways in under thirty seconds, she also knew that a visible shiver ran its way through the other woman's body with the intensity of her gaze.

 

Lena’s eyes remained on the agent, she’d broken their tentative silence and now Lena knew she could withstand longer than the other woman. She stood taller the more the other woman seemed to shrink, her face becoming harder, her chin higher as Alex’s crumpled in something akin to perplexed hesitancy. Finally, the agent regained her usual domineering demeanour, her body was engulfed by her presence, her posture becoming that of a poise soldier awaiting her orders, the mask of determined grit fell into place, and her resolve was set in stone.

 

“Maggie is my… friend. She reached out, she said she had a friend that needed help. She didn’t go into the specifics at first. Just that she had a friend that had a drinking problem and wanted a sobriety coach. She said I had to promise not to say anything to anyone - not even Kara - before she’d tell me who it was.”

 

Lena internally nodded along to what Alex was saying, she knew Maggie - no matter her relationship with the amber-haired woman - wouldn’t divulge her identity until an agreement of anonymity had been made. Maggie was always looking out for her.

 

“I agreed, obviously.”

 

Lena couldn’t help but snort a little at that, the absurdity of the situation and yet, here Alex was, cracking jokes.

 

Alex herself had a small smile on her lips at having elicited some reaction from the young heiress before her, but it slipped off as she continued her recount, “She told me that I could decide not to take you on, but no matter what I couldn’t tell anyone.” Alex huffed in what appeared to be amused absurdity. And, though Lena couldn’t help but agree that it’s absurd to think the agent would ever divulge the identity of someone that sought help from her, client or not, she couldn’t help but feel her heart swell for the friend and the friendship she had long since thought gone, only to realise that Maggie was a true friend, and no matter what her family had done, knew her. Knew she was nothing like the monsters they’d become.

 

The two stayed in a comfortable silence after the admission, Lena both taking in what Alex had said as well as contemplating what would happen next. She zoned out, going over how true a friend Maggie was, and how she’d allowed herself to distance herself from her since they were younger, closing herself off further and further from everyone with the decline of her family, hoping to save herself from the inevitable rejection that she was meet with.

 

She was coming to realise that not everyone blamed her for what her family had done. Not everyone was unable to look past them and actually see her. It made her wonder if others could see past what they’d done and see her as her own person, could she eventually do the same? Could she one day separate herself fully from her family, from what they’d done? Could she one day forgive herself for not seeing it, for not stopping it? Would this help her recover?

 

For a genius that can solve some of the most complex problems and develop cutting-edge technologies, she was so conflicted and hesitant for the development of her own life. Though she didn’t know what the outcome would be if Alex helped her, she needed to move forward. And right now, this was the only way she could see how to do that.

 

She looked up, enchanting forests locking with the roasted hazle gaze of the woman before her, her eyes burned with a golden fire of determination that seemed to give her an insight into Alex’s soul. “So”

 

“So.” Alex echoed.

 

“Will you do it?”

 

Alex seemed confused at first, not fully comprehending what Lena was asking of her, but Lena could see the moment that the realisation that Lena still wanted her help dawned on her. Her own eyes lighting up with a fire akin to the one buring through Lena’s soul.

 

She nodded her head slightly, “Yes if you’re willing”

 

“I am.”

 

“It won’t be easy.”

 

Lena smirked, her usual confidence and bravado when dealing with investors and board members coming out. “I’d be disappointed if it were.”

 

A matching smirk pulled it’s way onto Alex’s face, “Oh, don’t worry little Luthor, it’ll be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done, or ever will do.”

 

Lena flinched at the name ‘little Luthor’, though she knew by Alex’s tone it wasn’t said with malice or in a derogatory manner it took Lena back to when she was young and the nickname gave her pride when it made her feel like she belonged. Alex seemed to notice her reaction, a sympathetic expression crossing her face.

 

“I’m sorry Lena, I didn’t mea-”

 

“It’s fine Alex.”

 

“No, it’s not. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way. If this is going to work we need to have a relationship of trust and respect.”

 

“It just reminded me of a time when having the Luthor name was prestigious…. Something to be proud of.”

 

Alex gave her a look of understanding, Lena couldn’t help but think of Kara and her family name. From Lex’s notes Lena knows about the house of El, she knows that Kara’s parents were thought to be these saviours when in reality it was their hubris along with that of the council that led to the demise of her home planet. Lena couldn’t help but think how similar their two situations are. How the family they looked up to and loved, those that they revered had turned out to be the villains of the story. Perhaps not in the same way, but the feeling of loss and betrayal she could imagine was the same.

 

“I’d imagine Kara would feel the same.”

 

Alex’s brow crinkles in confusion, her mouth slightly open to ask what Lena meant by that presumably when the young heiress cut her off, her words rushed but strong, her resolve set.

 

“Alex, if we’re going to do this, there is something you’ve got to know.”

 

Alex looked at her hesitantly, inclining her head, indicating for her to continue. Lena took a deep breath, preparing for the strong possibility that after her revelation Alex won’t be so understanding with her, may even distrust her - see her as just another Luthor. Lena steeled herself, her mask falling into place once more, preparing for the hurt she expects to come, “I know that Kara and Supergirl are one in the same.”

 

“How-”

 

“She told me.”

 

Alex’s eyes widened “SHE WHAT?” her voice rose making Lena retreat further back behind her mask, strengthening herself for the coming blow of her being just another Luthor. But it never did. After her initial outburst, Alex began pacing, muttering to herself. Eventually, she turned back to Lena. She was shocked when she looked into her eyes and saw that they held none of the malice she’d expected to see, only confusion and warmth. 

 

“She told me about you, you know?”

 

Lena didn’t respond, she knew it was a rhetorical question, something Alex had to ask before she said what she had to say. So Lena just stayed quiet and waited.

 

“When you first moved here and she took an interest in you, I thought it was a good idea, keeping tabs on the youngest Luthor and all” she gave Lena what she could only discern as both an apologetic and self-critical smile, “But-” she paused, her brow furrowing, seemingly trying to order her thoughts. 

 

Lena was conflicted, as much as she wanted to let Alex let this all out, she didn’t know if she wanted to know what Alex use to think of her, what Kara thought of her - or still does. But before she can protest Alex continuing, seeming to have got her thoughts in order.

 

“But, looking back now, I can see it was never that.” This piqued Lena’s interest, Supergirl wasn’t lurking around just waiting for her to be another Luthor? Then why was Kara around that night? Why was she always there?

 

The smallest uptick of Alex’s lip let Lena know that she knew what she was thinking, what she was questioning. “Kara- Kara has always found herself drawn to the lost and the broken.” 

 

At the offended look on Lena’s face Alex laughed, “I’m sorry-” her chuckling cut off her apology, when she managed to get herself under control she continued, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, it’s just-” a wistful look overtook Alex’s features as her mind seemed to transport her back in time, “When Kara first came to earth we… we weren’t on the best of terms, I didn’t want a sister - someone following me around, needing me to hold their hand and explain every little mundane thing to them.” Alex seemed regretful, ashamed even, as she told Lena about her younger self.

 

A sad smile pulled to her lips, “So, she went out on her own, trying to give me the space I so wanted” She looked into Lena’s eyes, and Lena could see them sparkling with the collection of moisture that was threatening to fall. “She’s always been so kind and considerate, even when she was lost and alone on an unknown planet, trying to chase away the demons of watching her planet - her people die. She has every right to be rigid and jaded towards the world, to hate everyone, but she is one of the purest people this world has to offer.”

 

A choked sob left Alex’s lips when she tried to laugh, “She went out and befriended this stray cat - Streaky. She’d feed him every day, but she never dared touch him, she was too afraid that she’d hurt him. After a while, he grew to trust her and would want her affections, but she was still too afraid. Eventually, she asked me to help teach her to be gentle, to control her powers. I was hesitant at first, but I could see, I could see that she needed this. It took a long time, with Kara having to grow to trust that I would tell her if she hurt me, to be okay with herself when it did happen, but eventually-” A look of pride shone on Alex’s face and strengthened her voice.

 

“Eventually, she grew the courage to pat that mangy stray. She took him in and loved him, and he made her feel at home on Earth when no one else did, he made her feel human.”

 

Lena didn’t realise that she’d begun to cry, not until she laughed and it came out more as a sob. Alex just smiled at her, her own face stained with tears of the past.

 

“I don’t say it to be mean Lena. Kara has saved so many of us. She saved me after my father died, she saved Streaky, she’s saved all of her friends in one way or another. She takes people who wouldn’t usually go together and creates a mismatched family.”

 

Lena can only laugh, “Yes, it’d seem she has a thing for strays.”

 

Alex laughs in return, “You should fit right in then.”

Lena can’t say anything to that, just hoping that the gratitude she feels for Alex’s kind words and for her willingness to share such personal stories was clear in her expression. Her expression turned serious, “I want to get better Alex… I want to be better.” she turned thoughtful for a moment, “But I don’t know if I can do that with Kara, I don’t know that I can go to the place I know I’ll need to go with her there beside me.”

 

Alex didn’t say anything in response, but Lena could see it in her eyes, she understood. There was a depth of darkness she’d have to reach - to face - before she could begin rebuilding herself. And doing that around someone as good as Kara, but also as broken as Kara would be difficult… and Lena didn’t know if she could do that to either of them.

 

“I know that she wants to be there for you Lena.”

 

“So do I, and that’s why she can’t be.”

 

Alex nods, knowing Lena had made her decision and wouldn’t be dissuaded - at least for now. “It’ll be between us, she won’t hear anything from me, I swear.”

 

“I - thank you, Alex.”

 

“Of course.”

 

There was a pause between the two, a comfortable understand settling between them, and Lena took the time to properly look around the room. “So… what’d you have in mind for me anyway?”

 

Alex’s trademark agent smirk grew into a cheshire cat-like grin, a sight that almost had Lena regretting her decision to agree to this without knowing the terms. 


	9. Is this the end?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to training with Alex and Lena has a breakthrough - WARNING: Mention of suicidal thoughts in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a hot minute... This chapter has been sitting in my file half finished for months, if there seems to be a change in tone it's because I wrote it three separate sittings (the draft from the first sitting was mostly obliterated in the second). I've tried some new things with the voice of the story so let me know what you think (I do quite enjoy adding the little quips but I know it's a specific taste and doesn't always work in a story). This was a bit of an emotional one for me to write (well the second part of it at least) and that's partly why it's taken me so long. With it being summer I'll try to write and upload more regularly but I am working full time so we'll see how well that goes but I'm hoping it'll be easier because I'll be trying to take the story in a more upbeat direction I guess, there will still be angst and struggles for Lena but she's making progress and I hope the tone in future chapters will express this. Thank you all so much for sticking around and for your words of encouragement and support they mean a lot. Oh so the flashback is in italics and has ** before and after, I also put a **** before the more trigger part of this chapter just in case you don't want to read it and I'll put a summary at the end of the chapter for those of you that do skip it :)

A heavy sigh leaves Lena’s lips as her muscles pull and protest, even against the simple minor movements that accompany reviewing the progress of L-Corp projects in its infancy. She overdid it the other day with Alex, she knows she did - so much for having a healthy coping mechanism for a change. Despite herself, she can’t restrain the small bubble of laughter that escapes her grimaced lips in a moment that if you weren’t paying attention you’d miss, but was there nonetheless. Yes, she may have overdone it, she may have pushed her body passed what she should have, but fuck if it didn’t feel good - well perhaps before she’d worn herself into a state of immobility, but alas you can never have it all. 

 

Lena was just glad that Alex had seen past her, well she wasn’t quite sure what had been driving her, it could have been anything from anger to grief, to a need installed in her years ago to not sully the Luthor name with anything less than perfection - and even then it often seemed to little to please her ‘family’.

 

Despite the obvious overindulgence for her first time, Lena felt both a sense of accomplishment and calm that she couldn’t recall having ever felt. Something deep inside her that always felt restless and ill at ease seemed quietened somehow. Perhaps boxing was for her after all, perhaps next time with a little less… gusto.

 

_ ** Jab, jab, cross, left hook, duck, right uppercut repeat.  _

 

_ Cross, jab, right uppercut, left roundhouse repeat. _

 

_ Left knee, right roundhouse, left hook, right uppercut repeat. _

 

_ And so it went, Lena throwing and contorting her body into various forms against the boxing bag or a padded Alex, both holding a mocking smirk, urging her next strike to be stronger and swifter than the last. Her muscles protested with their aching screams, pleading with her to call it a day, to give them the reprieve they so desperately needed. But every time she would entertain the idea she could hear mothers condescending voice in her mind, telling her she never was, nor will she ever be, good enough, that she was a disgrace to the Luthor name. She’d hear Lillian praising a young Lex whilst scolding her in both her words and disregard. She’d see the cruel snarl that would adorn her lips when she saw Lena breaking. It all just made her push harder. Her rage for the woman, her burning desire to prove Lillian wrong drove her to push her body to its absolute limit. Alex had asked her several times if she wanted to continue, with each passing time Lena’s answer devolving further into an affirmative grunted, but the intensity of fire alight in her eyes did nothing if not grow; with each passing time Alex’s frown grew deeper. But she said nothing, simply setting up the next set Lena would complete without flaw. However, with each passing strike, Lena’s muscles would quiver and shake with fatigue, sweat would roll down her face and neck collecting in her already drench tee-shirt, whips of hair flew free from her high ponytail and sweat-matted hair. Her body was tired, but the fire in her eyes never diminished. _

 

_ Once Lena completed the final set of her latest combo Alex lowered her hands, turning away she began taking off the pads. Lena just stood there chest heaving, her lungs trying desperately to suck in all the oxygen in the room like a vacuum. Even though her throat and lungs protested Lena spoke, “Wha-” she cleared her throat, trying to get the breathiness out of her voice, trying to disguise how winded her truly was after the intense workout. “What are you doing?” she sucked in two more massive breaths through her mouth and exhaled them out of her nose before continuing, “We’re, we’re not done.”  _

 

_ Despite her words, Lena could feel her body shutting down, needing to rest. She could feel her muscles locking for the sudden cease in use, her sweat beginning to cool on her flushed overheated skin making her feel fidgety and uncomfortable, in desperate need of a shower.  _

 

_ Alex stole a glance at her over her shoulder saying, “Yes, for today we are.” before turning back to the task at hand of unwrapping her hands, wiping down the equipment and replacing it back where it belonged. Lena took a step forward to protest but felt her legs quiver, almost buckling beneath her sudden movement. Sighing she sunk to the floor, legs crossed, hands in her lap and her head bowed low. _

 

_ The next thing she knew Alex was kneeled before her, tentatively taking her gloved hands in her own one at a time, releasing the velcro strap that kept them firmly in place before pulling both gloves off before going back and started unwrapping Lena’s boxing wraps. Once done she stood, taking the discarded items with her, disposing of the wraps in what looked to be a laundry basket by the equipment rack before spraying disinfectant in the gloves and wiping them down. _

 

_ Lena listened to her near silently move around the room, occasionally moving this or replacing that before all noise stopped and Lena saw feet in front of her, looking up Lena saw Alex’s outstretched hand and a soft smile on her lips. “You did well today Lena.”  _

 

_ Lena let out a dejected huff before placing her hand in Alex’s and using the momentum her hold provided to pull herself to her feet. “I’m serious Lena, you did a full work out of rotating sets for an hour with a half-hour warm-up. For a first time that's impressive.” Alex took her hand back and rubbed her neck, a small smirk playing on her lips when she said, “Ideally you’d at least do a ten-minute warm-down but I think I can let you off for today.” _

 

_ Lena let out a humourless laugh, “How gracious of you.” she drawled, her voice still coming out breather than she wanted but it was a major improvement than when she’d first spoken minutes ago. Her breathing was at least now under control for the most part. _

 

_ The pair stood there in silence, both lost in their own thoughts about how the session went and where to go from there. Lena was lost in a whirlwind of work and her demons when Alex cleared her throat gaining her attention, “There’s a shower in the back if you want to use it.”  _

 

_ “Thanks, but I think I’ll just go home - someone didn’t tell me to bring a change of clothes,” she said looking pointedly at Alex, who had the decency to at least blush at the valid accusation of oversight. _

 

_ Clearing her throat Alex, trying to rid herself of her embarrassment, “Right, well, next time.” _

 

_ Lena couldn’t help the smile that pulled at her lips, to fluster Alex Danvers - despite knowing little about the woman - she knew to be an accomplishment .** _

 

Lena sighed a deep groan when she saw the time, with so much to do and so little time she couldn’t be sitting around reminiscing (funny how working out to the point of complete muscle fatigue and atrophy is what she’d doubt as ‘reminiscing’ - well not funny in a ha ha sense but you see the point). She has another appointment with Alex in two days, enough time for her aching muscles to heal enough so that the new ache that would take its place and would feel just that, new. Perhaps this time she’ll even stop at the just past a pleasant burning sensation of a workout well done - wouldn’t that be something for a healthy coping mechanism!

 

//

 

The days had come and gone and Lena hadn’t had a drink, not to say she didn’t want one - or several - because she did, desperately. Surprisingly it wasn't work that had her wishing she’d never decided to be rational and accept that she needed to change her habits, it wasn’t the countless dreary board meetings with men who thought her inferior, or those that were trying to out her (from the company that is), it wasn’t even all the paperwork that had accumulated on her desk that prevented her from going down to the labs where she so desperately wanted to be. No, none of that had her wishing she could run into the arms of a well-aged scotch to drown out the world and those in it. No, it was none of the things you’d expect to drive a woman to drink, in fact, it was quite the opposite. What had Lena yearning for her tumblr (case) of scotch was the woman with the kindest sky blue eyes, the eyes she’d often find herself lost in (both in her waking and unconscious moments), the eyes that would bore into her soul when she wasn’t paying enough attention to keep her guard up, the same eyes that were always accompanied by the most radiant smile, a smile destined to light up even the driest day and make your heart damn near melt with warmth, a woman who always smelled of sunshine and cinnamon and something that just made you feel at home.

 

Now, I know what you’re thinking, WHAT?!? Well, what you don’t understand is that all of these things were attached to a one Kara Zor-El Danvers. And that same Kara Zor-El Danvers had made it entirely impossible for Lena to keep her distance. Again, I can hear you screaming into the abyss, why is this a bad thing? Something, Lena was even asking herself. As the unanswered messages, surprise pop-ins to her office, Supergirl interviews that praised her and the work she was striving to do grew over the past few days Lena could feel her resolve to remain separate from the other woman waning. Her need to protect not only her own heart but that of the woman that had become a harrowing icon not only for National City but the world - perhaps, even more so than her cousin.

 

No, Lena thought, she can't risk tarnishing the Supers image with her association to her - but… the other more optimistic part of her brain (ruled mostly by the emotions she locked away in small boxes - something else she mused she’d have to broach at some point) pleaded, it’s already too late for that is it not? All the interviews given as Supergirl, all the kind words extended, even as Kara Danvers the woman had inexplicably linked herself to the CEO, positioned herself as a champion ready to defend her against any unkind words or threats directed at her. Wasn’t it already too late to save Kara from an association with her, the voice whispered, so why fight it?

 

Lena could feel her thoughts at war within her skull, she could feel the push and pull of the tide of her emotions bashing unyielding against the sensical logical part of her brain that, even now, presented with the damning fact that she couldn’t prevent an entanglement of her name and those belonging to Kara, would not surrender its position of protecting Kara from further association - if only to hide her true feelings of self-preservation for a moment longer.

 

But she couldn’t take this indecision any longer, this waring of the two sides of herself that she endeavoured to keep separate for her own sanity. Blindly she reached out and grabbed the cool object in front of her, working on auto-pilot, wanting more than anything to make the waring voice to silence. And they did. With the first defining ring the pierced the otherwise quiet apartment she could feel her skin prickle from more than the cool surface of the phone screen against her cheek, her hands shook as the receiver continued to ring, each beat had her waiting with baited breath, even the waring voices were silent as they watched on, unbelieving that she’d actually called the number of the woman that had been on her thoughts for days if not weeks. The woman whom she’d vehemently ignored, trying desperately to protect them both from herself.  

 

Lena felt as though the ringing echoed around the apartment, etching itself into the darkness so as to remind her of this mistake the next time she was alone. But was this a mistake? Oh god, it was, she needed to hang up right now. But as the fates would have it, as she pulled the phone from her face, a look of mortification morphed into her usually placid features, the line connected and the most calming angelic voice Lena had ever had the pleasure of hearing answered.

 

“Lena.” it was a puff of air, her name said with a quiet unbelieving reverence that she’d never expected to hear passing from someone's lips ever again - not since her mother's death. The sound of her name spoken from those lips did something to Lena and everything in her felt calm, she felt as though this was someone she was meant to be with, in any way she could get her.

 

Lost in her now quietened thoughts Lena hadn’t responded to Karas greeting - though in all honesty, how do you reply to that other than saying ‘yes, it’s me’? - something that caused an air of slow-growing panic to etched its way into the heroine's voice when she next spoke.

 

“Lena? Are you alright?”

 

The concern in Karas' voice broke Lena out of her momentary spur, bringing the phone back up to her face, she cleared her throat trying to get her vocal chords to respond to her commands to speak, leading to her voice coming out raw and gravely due to the pent-up emotions that drove it, “Yes, yes I’m fine.”

 

The other line was silent for a long moment that Lena wondered if kara had disconnected the call once she realised Lena wasn’t in any mortal danger, but she could still hear her soft puffs of breath coming through the line, and she realised that she was waiting for her to elaborate, already familiar enough to realise it wasn’t the complete truth; because while she was physically fine (apart from the residual strain in her muscles from her workout with Alex) she was emotionally at war. Releasing a sigh that felt as though it’d been trapped for years waiting for the moment she’d allow herself a moment to reflect she continued, tears forming at the corners of her eyes and her voice thick with the weight of them.

 

“No. I’m not fine.”

 

Again Kara said nothing waiting for her to continue at her own pace. Clearing her throat again Lena pushed on, she needed to get this out before it consumed her, she needed to allow herself this moment of weakness so that she could move forward - wherever that was and whatever it might look like.

****

“I just- I-” frustrated breaths escape her lips, she's a Luthor and Luthor's are never speak intelligibly, they’re not ruled by their emotions - hell they don’t even have emotions. She can hear Lillian's lessons and reprimands course through her very being, her cold empty voice only ever showing a hint of scold and disdain for Lena's very existence, let alone whatever her actions were. And she breaks. Right there on the phone with a near stranger, she breaks. All the years of repressed anger, sadness, and fear, all the years of repressed emotions and thoughts, all the self deprecating remarks, all the times she thought everyone she knew and didn’t know would be better off without her in their lives; it all boiled to the surface in a heartbreaking sob that escaped her lips as the dams that held in all the tears she’d never let fall crumbled under their weight allowing them to cascade down her face, cutting new grooves into her cheeks, the banks extending the more she allowed herself to let go.

 

And it was in this moment that Lena wished more than anything that she didn’t have to feel this pain, that it’d all just stop. But just as soon as those thoughts came they were replaced with the still air of her apartment coming to life, flooded with new waves of currents brought along by the newest addition to the space, and strong secure arms wrapped her up in the tightest hug she ever has experienced, and likely ever will. The warmth of the body pressed impossibly close to her and the arms they held her together while she allowed all the fractured pieces of her soul to finally break and crumble under the weight of it all chased away the notion that she’d be better off dead, not feeling the pain. Because the pain was how she could tell she was alive - at least for the moment. Perhaps one day it will be the feeling of joy, the feeling security brought by strong arms wrapped around her thin frame, or the whispered nonsensical words spoken while she fell apart as a strong hand with the delicacy of a flower after full bloom beginning to wilt stoke her hair. Perhaps one day it will be the pleasantries of life - even in the most crushing of circumstances - that she will appreciate - or even accept - for making her feel alive, but right now it was the pain, and as haunting a thought as that was it caused her to sob a laugh, because at least she was letting herself feel, to allow herself to be human, alive, so unlike the people that raised and moulded her.

 

The thoughts that she’d broken, that she’d betrayed all that they were, that they’d taught her and moulded her to be in their image should send her broken and crumbled walls back up at a speed far surpassing that of Supergirl, but it didn’t. The thoughts that would usually make her feel like she had gone against her fundamental programming left her with a euphoric feeling of freedom. And all the while those strong arms never left her, the soft mumbled words that she couldn’t decipher or care to understand in her current state never stopped being whispered into her ear, all she knew was the emotion, care and the understanding laced within them. And, for once, she felt as though she could truly carry on, and perhaps even allow herself to be alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Lena has some dark thoughts thanks to her upbringing then she realises that those aren't her with the help of Kara's strong arms ;)


	10. Sleep never looked so good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara make some progress. Its just fluff all the fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to make this chapter longer but this felt like a natural place to just kinda end it since it's about the length of the chapters I've produced for this story so far. It's also just such a fluffy chapter that I didn't want to add any angst to it (which we all know is coming) and I knew if I added more I'd likely end on some angst plus it'd be really long and you'd all have to wait for ages XD so here you are a small happy chapter

“Shhhh Lena, I’m here, you’re okay, you’re going to be okay.”

Kara’s voice held such conviction that Lena couldn’t help but believe her. At some point in her breakdown they’d sunk to the floor, she was now being cradled in Kara’s lap, arms securely around her while the woman produced a slight rocking motion, like one might do to lull a babe off to sleep, cradling her to her chest, her strong heartbeat grounding Lena to the present.

Slowly she pulled her face away from Kara’s chest, she missed the warmth and calmed it offered her, but she needed to see the hero’s face. To Lena's’ surprise there were tear marks, not unlike her own, staining the woman's face. Gently and without thought Lena’s hand cupped the hero's face, her thumb lightly wiping them away, erasing the pain, soothing not only Kara but herself. Kara’s eyes fluttered closed while she subconsciously leaned into Lena’s touch, seeming desperate to feel the delicate touch of the human.

They stayed like that in their bubble for moments that could have lasted mere seconds or spanned across years, neither knew nor cared. They were safe and content, and that was all that mattered. The spell, however as they so often are, was broken. Though, unlike a prince kissing the sleeping lips of a fair maiden, this spell was broken by the horse whisperer propelled from the lips of a broken soul.

“Kara-” Lena cleared her throat, hoping to sound more like her professional and put together self, “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“No.”

The steel in Kara’s voice caused Lena to blanch, afraid that she’d angered the one person keeping her grounded, keeping her from fully breaking to the extent that she could never re-build from. With a shaky voice, she forced herself to ask, “Excuse me?”

The steel in Kara’s voice never wavered when she spoke again if anything Lena would say it grew in its resolve, “Don’t say you’re sorry, you have nothing to apologise for.”

Lena released a small huff, moving back as far as her position in Kara’s lap would allow with the woman's arms still encircling her waist. “I assure you, Kara, I do.”

“No, you don’t. You’re allowed to feel Lena. You’re allowed to yell, scream, and cry. You’re allowed to be human.”

As much as Lena appreciate the sentiment, it was too much for her. Emotions being what they were, repressed and unfelt for so long, overwhelmed her easily, and with her previous breakdown of the evening she’d reached her limit for the night - perhaps even the year, no that was the old alcoholic Lena. Whatever the case, she was worn out both physically and emotionally, so, as all smart people do, she averted the seriousness of the situation with humour - or at least an attempt at it.

She glanced down at the hero’s chest, her trademark smirk  graced her lips, her voice becoming more confident, even perhaps a bit surly, “Oh but I do.”

Kara’s cheeks began to flame, senseless words falling from her lips when Lena’s gaze fell to her chest once more turning Lena’s smirk into a blossoming smile accompanied by a belly laugh, causing her to topple out of the distracted arms of the hero and onto the floor, making the laughter explode in a symphony that was soon accompanied by that of Kara’s.

“Your suit Kara, I got makeup on your suit.” Lena managed to wheeze out between deeply inhaled breaths as she tried to calm herself.

As Kara looked down to confirm for herself what Lena had said her blush grew, travelling up to her ears. “Right, I knew that.” She whispered, shying away from the other woman's gaze in embarrassment.

Looking out to the sky Lena saw that the sun had long since set, she wondered if Kara was needed anywhere - though she supposed the woman was always needed by someone, case and point her current circumstance. The pair sat across from one another in a comforting silence, each lost in their own thoughts, but comforted by the feeling of the woman across from them, in the mere knowledge that they were simply there.

Lena couldn’t help but let her thoughts wander to darker topics, sighing she concluded it was time to call it a day, least she allows herself to become consumed after having, what felt like, some kind of breakthrough. Kara perked up at the noise, she reminded Lena of a puppy in that instant, causing a small laugh to escape her lips at her own thoughts as images of what she thought the blonde was like when she first came to Earth. The noise caused Kara to tilt her head to the side as if trying to understand something - definitely a puppy she mused.

Shyly Kara spoke up, “What are you laughing about?”

A blushed dusted across Lena’s porcelain skin, “Hmmm? Oh, noth- nothing.”

A pout danced on Kara’s lips, a laugh escaped Lena’s lips on instinct, so apt for a puppy she mused. When Lena continued to laugh without yielding to Kara’s pout, she added in a set of puppy dog eyes which caused tears to spike at Lena’s eyes as her laughter intensifies. “Oh- Oh my god-” laughter and the need to breath chopped her words as she struggled to reclaim her breath, “You- You’re such a pup-puppy!”

Kara blinked a few times; processing Lena’s whizzed out words, head tilting to the side while she evaluated their worth. Eventually, she shrugged and shot her a look that said if the shoe fits, causing Lena to dive into another fit of laughter, being joined shortly thereafter by the sweet melody of Kara’s bubbly laugh.

Eventually, their giggles died down; the two left staring at one another with matching grins. Lena couldn’t recall the last time she’d laugher or smiled this much - at least genuinely. Kara, if nothing else, knew how to make her forget her woes – or at least navigate them in a healthy constructive manner, though she couldn’t mediate the strides she’d taken so far with Alex’s help and training.

Lena was both emotionally and physically exhausted from not only the events of this evening but from the last few months if not years. She hadn’t realised how exhausted she was in her bones till this moment of calm and she’d dare say peace that she’s found in the comforting embrace of Kara’s arms and all round essence. So much so that, despite her weariness, she was hesitant for it to end. Her body, however, had other ideas. She could feel the sweet persuasive pull of sleep clawing at her entire being, trying to entice her in any way to sink into its awaiting embrace. Her limbs were becoming flooded with the thick heaviness of unconsciousness, her head threatening to lull to the side in silent acceptance only to jerk back, bring her into an alert wakefulness if only for a moment. But, before the exhaustion settled in her bones completely, she heard a shuffle, then suddenly Kara was beside her, propping Lena's body up against her own. Lena instinctively curled her body into her side, letting her lucid limbs rest and entangle themselves on the woman who smiled in a way that made warmth fill Lena's entire body. A smile that Lena took to mean that this was exactly where Kara wanted to be, exactly how she wanted to be.

As Lena’s body suck further into Kara’s - be that of her own accord or simply the temptation of sleep urged on by the warmth radiating out of the body next to her she’d never say - she could feel strong arms engulf her once more and a chin resting atop her head. She sighed, feeling more content and safe in this moment than she could ever remember having felt since she was young and naive to the harsh realities of life - but even then the memories were clouded by a mist of fantasy, an air of fabrication created to enable her to endure the storms with the hope of a brighter outcome. But this moment of solace gave her hope that perhaps there was a radiant sun hidden behind the blackest of clouds.

She was barely on the edge of consciousness when she felt the world shift beneath her, her body stiffened, already preparing to jolt into wakefulness and fend off an attack when she heard light sushing in her ear with the murmured assurance carried on the winds of the melodic voice that never seemed to fail to soothe her. Immediately she felt herself relax and slump back into Kara’s body - something she’d feel bad about had the woman not had super strength - her head lulled in the crook of the hero's neck, drawing in her scent, arms wrapping loosely around her necks as though to take some of her weight off Kara; in response she felt the blonde tuck her closer into her chest. 

It wasn’t long however till she felt herself being softly, almost reverently, placed down on the plush surface of her bed. Kara placed her down much like you would a sleeping child, and like a sleeping child, Lena didn’t want to release her hold on the person that made her feel so safe and warm, leaving her arms linked around the woman's neck, forcing the heroine to say awkwardly bent at the waist. 

Lena heard a small chuckle carried on a puff of hot air that tickled her ear escape at her sleepy antics, a sluggish smile pulling at her lips, enjoying the slight noise. She heard her voice as though it were that of someone else, dripping with sleep, she softly murmured into the night “Stay.”

She felt Kara stiffen for a second before softening in her hold once more, but her arms were getting tired in their current position, and she just wanted to sleep, so she tried to pull Kara onto the bed with her, but was met with an immovable force - not thinking that had she succeeded in her endeavour that Kara would have landed right on top of her.

“Lena” Kara’s voice sounded strained to Lena’s ears, but also tired, oh so tired. Lena allowed her sleep-addled brain to run away on itself not denying its backwards logic, but instead embracing it. Kara’s tired; she's tired, she has a big bed and Kara’s warm therefore she should stay.

She hears Kara let out a shaky breath then mumble a whisper of “Okay”, she hadn’t realised she’d said that aloud, but she was glad she did because the next thing she knew there was no more resistance holding up her arms in that uncomfortable position and a warm body was sliding onto the bed next to her, however, far enough away as not to encroach on her personal space. Lena, however, was not having it. She wrapped her arms around Kara’s waist and pulled the blonde to her body until she was tucked safely against the hero’s side. In the morning she might muse over how she caught the woman off guard by her actions, earth's hero usually irremovable unless she so deems it pulled around and positioned like a doll by a human impaired by the throws of sleep. But now was not the morning, so instead Lena sighed in content drifting off to the whisper of “Goodnight Lena” and strong arms wrapped around her slim frame while hands traced patterns on her back so delinquently that she thought it might be a dream. Perhaps it all was. She didn’t know, but she was resolved not to care, she’d simply enjoy this moment and bask in it for as long as allowed. With that thought in mind, she drifted off into the most peaceful sleep she’d experienced in a long time.


	11. The promise of later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after without the after XD Kara and Lena's relationship progresses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol so I'm back sorry about the wait but alas life happens, between work being crazy with working 40-55 hour weeks and just having moved last week I've been in a kind of limbo where I haven't done anything productive or been in the headspace to do anything productive (particularly cause everything was packed up in boxes for the past three weeks). But I have written the final scene for this story so I actually have some semblance of where I want this story to go (tho how long it takes to get there is anyone's guess) I'm kinda cross eyes at this point, having written the majority of this (all but the first three paragraphs) in the past few hours so sorry for any mistakes (I noticed a few on the last chapter but I didn't want to go back and edit them cause you guys get a notification that I've re-uploaded XD) 
> 
> Anyways I hope you all enjoy, there's some slight angst and teasing of smut (that may or may not be included in the future) but mostly fluff

Consciousness is slow to come to her the following day, her limbs heavy and weighted, her mind hazy and sluggish. She could feel warmth radiated across her skin, the lulling indulgent pull that accompanies an afternoon read bathed in the warm embrace of the afternoon sun, the soft coxing pull that silently draws your body into rest, giving you an aching neck when you awake for your troubles, but peaceful and alluring nonetheless. It was a warmth that held promise, a warmth that urged her to stay in bed, to remain in its bubble where nothing could touch her. That was until Lena heard a small snore accompany said warmth. Then she began to notice other details attached to it, like where it felt most prevalent, across her waist where an arm was slung during the night, beneath her check that rhythmically raised and fell with steady breaths, her legs intertwined with those of another.

Her mind was not awake enough to fully comprehend what was happening, however, before she could fully freakout, flashes of the night prior flooded her mind. Strong arms wrapped around her, a steady and calming heartbeat beneath her ear, and the strong melodic words carried on a whispered wind. She recalls her mumblings and the way her arms protested as the warm body that held her attempted to pull away after depositing of her on her bed, her whisper to stay and the resounding response of a warm body pressed to her own. 

Lena’s eyes sluggishly opened, fearful that the light of day may change what she saw. She was meet by tangled curls of blonde hair and a stretch of taunt tan skin. Lena had to gulp back the instinct to bury her face deeper into the crook of the woman's neck and inhale her scent. Instead, begrudgingly and against all her instincts and bodies protests, she slowly began the process of detaching herself from the sleeping body, trying desperately to do so successfully without waking the breathtaking woman beneath her.

Painstakingly slowly Lena began to pull away from Kara, moving her legs with the utmost care as to not rose the slumbering woman, and she was successful - for the most part. It wasn’t until the final moment when she allowed herself to look once more at the peaceful features, softened in sleep, that she noticed the familiar crinkle that adorned the apex of Kara’s brows. Without thought, she reached out to smooth the bunched muscles, with a softness reminiscent of a mother - against her better judgment - indulging the pull to caress their sleeping babes face, Lean’s hand cupped the side of the goddess face as her thumb ghosted over the bunched muscles. As she felt the muscles beneath her thumb relax, the pad of her finger stroking once more smooth peaceful skin she didn’t even register the soft smile that etched its way into her features - one of adoration and something so soft and pure that she’d rather not name. But she didn’t have long to analyse what it was that caused her actions **,** because seconds after the crinkle evaporated from Kara’s brow bright piercing eyes opened, locking with green and causing Lena’s movements to stall and her smile to fade. 

Lena was frozen at that moment, caught as she was and with no explanation to justify her actions - perhaps she could blame it on the warmth, the feeling of contentment that the pulsing of the morning sun through her windows and the body beneath her brought to her; however flimsy that explanation might be. But no, Lena couldn’t even manage that to leave her lips, she was frozen as bright cerulean eyes bathed in the depths of the sky searched her own. And, despite the undoubtedly shocked, and perhaps even panicked, look that no doubt adorned Lena’s face, whatever Kara saw cause her to wear her own soft smile. The look she gave Lena was so soft, fit for only this peaceful moment in a morning embrace where no one was demanding their attention, and they could pretend, for just a moment, that they were different people, that they didn’t have responsibilities or affiliations that caused hurt or - in the eyes of others - placed them on opposite sides. It was a look that not moments before had been in Lena’s own face. A look that personified the feeling she had awoken with. 

Perhaps that’s why she heard herself speak the soft whisper of “Good morning” and perhaps that's why she didn’t pull away right away. That shared look that caused a sensation she hadn’t felt in so long to erupt within her and spread until it began to make her entire body tingle with the intensity of it. However, while she craved to remain in this bubble of time that allowed that look to pass between them unchecked and felt, she knew she couldn’t, she knew that sooner or later the real world would catch up to them, so it might as well be on her terms.

Detaching her hand from Kara’s face, she pulled back, placing space between their bodies till she was practically on the edge of the bed sitting on her heels. Kara slowly righted herself, blinking softly as though trying to acclimate to a state of alert wakefulness. Lena watched as she propped herself up against the headboard before turning her attention back to Lena. Kara looked at her as though regretfully, but it was a flash of emotion, passing as quickly as it may have appeared on her features, leaving Lena to wonder if it had actually happened, before she distracted her with the roughness of her melodic voice raw from lack of use and the last clinging effects of sleep, “Good morning Lena.” 

The softness of Kara’s voice and the way she said her name was completely juxtaposed with the roughness of her throat speaking its first words of the day, but Lena found she loved it, she loved it even more when it was accompanied with a slight blush on Kara’s cheeks and a tilt of her head that made her hair tumble to form a sort of curtain hiding the side of her face. The effect however just caused her to look angelic as the light caught her hair, making it appear as though the light was radiating out of her, rather than simply bathing in it.

Lena couldn’t help but stare at her, this perfect being, whom no doubt had flaws - as everyone does - but that did her best to embrace them as well as those of others while encouraging them to do the same. In the time Lena had known Kara she had learned a simple, but powerful lesson, if you hide your flaws or try to correct them in unhealthy ways (something the Luthors installed in her at a young age) they’ll always come back to haunt you, but if you embrace and command them then they hold no power over you and cannot be used against you. One of Kara’s greatest flaws is her capacity to care - perhaps to an extent bordering on naive - but it was also her greatest strength, she didn’t give up on people, she believed in them - even when no one else would. It was made her so beloved by the people she protected and made the unafraid of her and her abilities because they knew her heart, and they knew it would not tarnish. It was something Lena greatly admired about Kara, despite all the times that her capacity to care had caused her heartache it didn’t jade her - but perhaps that’s why the universe gave her Alex.

Despite the silence and the distance between them, Lena was surprised to find there wasn’t a crackling of awkward energy in the air between them. Both seemed content, even if the bubble was somewhat broken by their physical separation. She wasn’t sure if speaking would break the spell further, but she couldn't stop the words form leaving her mouth once they’d formed, “Thank you.”

At that Kara gave her a perplexed look, her head tilting to the side ever so slightly, a look so reminiscent of those the night previous, causing Lena to once again reaffirmed her notion that Kara was indeed some sort of puppy. A small giggle escaped her lips causing that soft smile from earlier to be mirrored on Kara’s features despite her apparent confusion at the thanks she was receiving.

“For staying.” Lena continued, “Thank you for staying last night, you didn’t have to do that.” Lena could feel a slight flush warm her cheeks, not strong enough to be visible, just strong enough to make its presence and that of her apparent embarrassment known.

Kara seemed to think for a moment before an uncharacteristically cocky smirk adorned her lips, setting a fire within Lena’s core, “When a beautiful woman tells you to stay and practically pulls you into her bed how can you refuse?” 

The warm flush in Lena’s cheeks intensified to the point she thought she might burst into flames from not only the comment but the throbbing want it caused. A reaction she was not prepared to deal with this early in the morning nor in the presence of the person causing said reaction; instead, she chose to focus on the negative connotations that could be drawn from Kara’s comment.

A frown tugged her lips down and caressed her brow, “I didn’t- you-” she paused to gather her thoughts, clearing her throat she tried once more, “I didn’t force you to stay did I? You know you could have left right?”

Now it was Kara’s face that scrunched up in worry, a frown mirrored on her features, in an instant, she was kneeling in front of Lena on the bed, so close and yet maintaining her distance until Lena gave her the go ahead. The proximity to Kara made the small distance between them feel like a chasm that there was no end to. She looked down to where their hands rested on their respective thighs, Kara following her gaze tentatively lifted her right hand, slowly moving it towards Lena’s left, making her intentions clear as to give Lena enough time to reject her if she so wished. Lena, however, made no move to stop her, so she tentatively grasped her hand in her own. Her left then went to under Lena’s chin tilting her head up till their eyes meet, both stormy with emotions of their past and the impact it has on their present. To Lena’s eye Kara looked lost in an inner terminal, torn and conflicted as to what to say, whether or not Lena would believe her - something only confirmed when she spoke next, her voice cracking with the emotions swirling in her eyes.

“Lena-” She cleared her throat, “Lena, you didn’t. I would never do anything I didn’t want to.” She paused for a second, lost in thought before she started rambling, “Well except when under the effects of certain kryptonite and when the people I love are threatened, but even then I try to find other ways and-” Kara stopped herself, closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath. When she opened her eyes again, they were sure and clear. “No, you didn’t make me stay Lena, I wanted to.” 

Despite just hearing the words leave Kara’s lips and the conviction both in her tone and her eyes Lena found her self doubt and the voices of her demons - ones that sounded not dissimilar to both Lex and Lillian - saying that Kara was simply lying to spare her feelings, which lead her to say, “Please Kara, if I made you uncomfortable I want you to be able to-”

“But you didn’t.” taking another deep breath she continued, “I wanted to stay Lena, it- it scares me how much I wanted to stay, how much I was looking for an excuse to do so. It is I who be apologising to you, not the other way around.”

Lena’s brow furrowed, “Why would you need to apologise Kara?”

“Because I took advantage of you, you were asleep, you didn’t know what you were saying-” Kara had begun to ramble again, and though Lena somewhat zoned out after hearing ‘I took advantage of you’ there was a steeling resolve that settled within her as Kara continued to profusely apologise for her perceived lack of decorum. When Lena didn’t respond to Kara’s ramblings, the hero began to pull away, perhaps perceiving it as a confirmation that she’d made Lena uncomfortable, that she had indeed crossed a line in staying, that - as she says - taken advantage of Lena.

Lena, however, knows she must quell these notions, and before any words to do so form in her mind, action takes over her. She races after Karas retreating form catches her retreating hand in her own in a grip that would make a human wince at its intensity. When Kara looked back at her, eyes sad and defeated she couldn’t help what happened next, she wouldn’t ever allow Kara to think she’d forced herself or what she wanted on Lena. So she surged forward connecting their lips. For a moment Kara doesn’t respond, suspended in shock, in this time Lena’s rational mind re-engaged and she begins to retreat, cursing herself for her impulsiveness when she feels strong hands cupping the sides of her face, pulling her back to reconnect their lips in a deep kiss that leaves her reeling. 

When the two-part there is a look of bliss on Kara’s face, and Lena can surmise that she mustn't look much better if the dopey grin she can feel is any indication. One of Kara’s hands moves to the back of her neck bring their foreheads together as they both try to regain their breath. Lena lets out a small huff of air as she pulls away so she can see Kara’s face, “I hope that clears up where I stand on your staying.” her trademark smirk in place and a perfectly arched eyebrow raised minus the usual deadly red lipstick and despite her sleep addled appearance, it appears nonetheless effective if Kara’s reaction is any indication. 

Kara lets out her own small laugh, “Yeah it does” She gets a cheeky kind of thoughtful look, “though, I think it needs some re-affirming” her smile becomes fuller as she continues, as does Lena’s, “you know, just to make sure we’re on the same page.” at that she throws in a wink, an honest to god wink and Lena is done for. 

However, never one to give in easily Lena puts on her own thoughtful look, even going so far as to tap her finger against her chin and lower lip, “mmmh, I dunno about that, I thought it was pretty clear.” She pauses for a moment before throwing Kara a brief smirk, “Though for clarity's sake I suppose we can have a recap.” Before Lena can say anything else Kara is smiling so brightly and rushing forward so fast she doesn’t have time to comprehend before soft pink lips are moving against hers again. Not that she was complaining. Her own lips responded in an instant, it felt as though they’d been doing this dance forever, and yet new and electric all at the same time. Kara held Lena steady against her as she chased her lips with every movement, trying to devour her with every movement yet savouring everything. 

The two ended up falling back onto the bed, their lips never leaving one another, that is until Kara’s phone, loud and obnoxious as it is ordained that this was the exact moment to go off. And while irritating as it was, Lena couldn’t help release a shaky breath from both the lack of continuous oxygen for however long they’d been locked lipped but also because there was so much to be discussed and done before they went any further, but at that moment Lena would have done everything with Kara and never regretted it. But she wanted to do more than fall into bed with the woman; she wanted to dote on her, to worship her, to lov-. 

Thankfully her train of thought was cut off by Kara’s grumbled greeting, “Alex what is it?” She was quiet for a moment while provided an update, sighing she looked over to Lena from where she now sat on the edge of the bed after retrieving her phone, regret and an apology shone in her eyes, “Yeah, I’ll be right there.” she said before abruptly hanging up the phone.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be; I know you have to go.”

“Yeah, but we were-” Kara cut herself off a blush tinting her tan skin causing yet another smirk to form on Lena’s lips, from cocky to bashful, Lena couldn’t help the affection she felt blossoming in her chest for the woman before her.

“That we were, and as much as I was enjoying myself - and believe me I was” she said giving Kara a very pointed look as she adjusted her t-shirt that Kara had at some point pushed up to under her bra causing kara’s bush to deepen, before her tone became somewhat more serious “I think it's for the best.”

At that Kara’s face fell a bit, so Lena rush to reassure her, “I just- I don’t want to rush things, this is new, and you’re special, and I’m a mess - I mean as you know and-” 

Kara cut her off with a chuckle and a soft peck on her lips, “It’s fine Lena, I understand.” and it was true, understanding shone through in her eyes, “As much as I was enjoying myself I want to do this right.”

Lena felt that dopey smile pull at her lips again, she couldn’t help it, to know Kara felt the same, that this was more than just a hook-up, that it was more than sexual tension for not just herself meant so much to Lena. Though she shouldn’t be surprised, because it’s Kara, she was.

Moving away to gather her things and leave Kara paused for a moment, turning back to Lena looking nervous as she played with the phone still in her hand, looking from the ceiling to the floor then back to Lena she blurted out, “CanIseeyoutonight?”

Laughing at the rumble of words “What was that darling?” she managed to get out.

Taking a breath, something Kara seemed to do a lot around Lena she tried again, “Can I see you tonight? Perhaps for dinner?” she added on tentatively. Lena felt her features relax, turning soft at the uncertainty in Kara’s tone and demeanour despite what they’d been doing just moments before and both confessing that they wanted this to be more.

“Yes Kara, of course.” 

The smile that she received in return might just put all else to shame, Lena had seen many exquisite sites in her life, but none shone quite as bright or left her quite as breathless as Kara Zor-el Danvers smile. 

Dashing back for one last kiss Kara murmured against her lips that she’d see her later than before a breeze swirled around Lena flooding her senses with the scent of Kara and the promise of the future.

**Author's Note:**

> As always comments, critiques, kudos and such are much appreciated. Also feel free to come yell at me on Tumblr https://night-bloom6.tumblr.com/  
> If you guys have any sense you want to see and they work with my vision then that'd be cool or any thoughts on where you think the story is going they'd be cool to hear


End file.
